Daddy and Papa Response - John Gallagher

The film “Daddy and Papa” was a very interesting look at how recently more and more gay parents are adopting children.  The film tied in race and sexuality together and provided insight to a growing phenomenon that receives very little attention.  It followed three different stories of gay men that were raising kids. It is something that I never really have put much thought into as I don’t know any gay men with children.  “Daddy and Papa” also discussed how gay men around children are perceived at pedophiles, and many people are against the idea of gay men adopting.  Recently agencies have been allowing gay white men to adopt black children, which is very good in many ways.  The film talked about how there are over 50,000 orphans that need homes and families, and showed how these gay men are very capable of giving them the love and structure in their life to do well and succeed. 

The film also addressed the absence of a woman in these adopted children’s lives and whether or not they are needed.  One of the stories that the film covered was of a girl who was adopted by her two gay dads.  The dads had their longtime friend who was a women, give birth for them.  The girl is attached to her biological mother in a way, and sees her from time to time.  I found this to be very interesting as she knows who her real mother is, yet she isn’t legally allowed to be or live with her.  The girl looks a lot like her mother too, which added to the obscurity.   Another part of the film that I found interesting was the fact that society is not ready for this growing phenomenon.  At one point, it explained an event that was put on for gay couples at an amusement park where one of the gay families went.  All of the children’s rides at the park were closed, as nobody expected there to be children attending.  I think that over time we will be seeing more gay couples adopting children.  I think it is a very good thing, and helps put children without families in a caring and loving environment.

Daddy and Papa post by. Ryland Hormel

           The Documentary “Daddy and Papa” was a film that tackled many issues within one topic.  It explored race, sexuality and the ethics behind raising a child.  Being from San Francisco I am surprised I had never seen the film before.   I really enjoyed how the film looked at different examples of gay men raising a child with both a partner and alone.  It is hard to imagine someone who would not be touched by this film, but the sad truth is that some people would view this film as outright wrong.  This just shows the amount of bravery these men have in order to go beyond the norms of society and take on an issue that is not only driven by love but also the idea that everyone deserves the same opportunity. 

This film shows that gay men are absolutely capable of raising a child.  The amount of love that they had towards there children is exactly the amount of love you would expect from a parent.  I keep thinking about what Oscar’s grandfather said about there is a way that the court does it and there is a right way to do it.  Without these men, who knows what these children’s life would have ended up like.  I found the issue of race to be such an important factor in this film.  I am really glad they approached this issue and not only showed the struggle of gay men have creating a family, but also the struggle black children have at getting adopted. 

The only part I wish the film explored more of is the acquisitions of these men being pedophiles.  I see this issue being one of the main underlying issues at hand.  It is so easy for people to look at a gay father as a pedophile, and I wish they opened up the issue of how to get past this.  My Grandfather is a politician and is also gay.  There have been times in his career he has been accused of being a pedophile simply because he is gay.  I find this so wrong and I think this is one of the main obstacles gay men have to overcome to becoming a father.  “Daddy and Papa” was a film I truly enjoyed.  It is amazing what these men have done, and it is great to see how such a controversial thing can bring two people from completely different backgrounds together.

"Daddy and Papa" -Ellie Merrell

I’m really glad we got to see parenting from a same-sex couple’s perspective. Parenting seems like one of the most difficult challenges a person can undertake. For every child, there is such a great possibility that something could go wrong; the parents could fail to provide the child with what it needs physically or emotionally, the child could experience something outside of the parents’ control that negatively alters its life, or some other unforeseen tragedy could befall the family. For same-sex parents, it seems that they face these struggles in addition to a whole host of other complications. First, there’s the issue of acquiring a child [“all heterosexual couples have to do is fuck and they get a child…and we have to go through all of this (screening)”]. Second, once the parents have a child, they have to worry about the isolation the child may feel in response to being surrounded by peers whose parents are heterosexual, the child will have to endure homophobic comments as though he/she were gay herself, the child may feel confusion over being separated from her biological parent(s), and the child may grow up without a mother or father in their life.

One of the things that I found to be really interesting is when one of the fathers mentioned that he was glad that his son was growing up to be a jock. For my research paper, I am exploring some of the interactions between gender and sexuality. I found that, in the late seventies, there was a substantial increase in the number of gay men who presented themselves as highly masculine, through body-building and “tough-guy” behaviors. The book suggested that they were trying to compensate for the way that their sexuality had stripped them of others’ perceptions of them as masculine and normal. It’s interesting that the father in the film was pleased to find out that his son was athletic, a stereotypically masculine quality, even though the father himself had no interest in sports. To me, the father’s response reflected an underlying satisfaction that his son was growing up to be normal, meaning not feminine like gay men stereotypically are. The comment almost implied that if gay men raised a boy who showed feminine tendencies, then the parents would have tainted the child because it turned out like them. I’ve thought a lot about what it would be like to raise a child with a same-sex partner and I think, like this father, I would be terrified if the child was gay or failed to gender properly because I would feel responsible. But another, more logical part of me thinks that it really shouldn’t matter if the child was a little different, because there’s nothing wrong with different.

            Another theme in the movie that really interested me was the brief acknowledgement of the difficulties that raising a child of a different race, especially of a minority might have. In some ways, I feel that same-sex parents might be better equipped to raise a child of a different race than heterosexual parents. I say this because gays and lesbians are also minorities, and so have some experience in what it’s like to be different or discriminated against. That being said, I think it is probably ideal for children to be raised by parents of the same race because every minority faces a unique type of discrimination.

Meg DeJong's Response to Daddy and Papa

        I really enjoyed watching the documentary Daddy and Papa. I found the personal stories of the gay couples who choose to have children deeply moving. I was especially touched by the story of Doug and Oscar. The fact that Doug was willing to take Oscar in on a second’s notice when nobody else was able to care for him was truly beautiful. It was hard to watch when, at the end of the documentary, Doug applied to officially adopt Oscar and was rejected by the state of Florida, who has ultra-conservative adoption laws. To see what an amazing father figure Doug was for Oscar and the bond that the two of them had, I could never imagine someone more fit than Doug to adopt a child. However, our country is still largely not acceptive of gay couples, and especially gay parents.
I think the documentary Daddy and Papa proved two important points: that gay couples are just as capable of being good parents as straight couples and that fathers are just as capable of parenting as mothers. In class, we’ve talked a lot about the myth of the maternal instinct. Our society holds the belief that it is mothers who should care for children, and that fathers will forever be inept parents compared to mothers. This belief is so prevalent in our society that I’m sure the majority of people would be shocked to hear that there really is no such thing as a maternal instinct. When watching Daddy and Papa, it becomes clear that both men and women are capable of being amazing parents. In the absence of a mother figure, the men in the film took on what our society considers a very maternal role. However, we should not consider what these men were doing innately maternal. Ultimately, we should not hold men and women to different standards of parenting and assign the labels of “maternal” or “paternal.”
Lastly, one part of the film that really resonated with me is how prevalent heteronormativity is in our culture. When you look at our country’s media, we hardly ever see representations of gay parents. This is especially true of children’s media. I think this can have a very negative impact on the children of gay parents, who could easily feel that the lack of representation of the type of family they have signifies that there is something innately different, if not wrong, about their family. I think it’s long past time that the media starts focusing on creating more diverse images of what it means to be a family.

Molly Bienstock's post Daddy and Papa

Besides from being a real tear jerker with the adorable babies and courageous parents, Daddy and Poppa was just another family flick.  It had all the components of any other movie about a struggling family living in an oppressive society.  However, this documentary added in seemingly invisible challenges to the family unit that most of us take for granted.  The main family in the film with the baby boy Zachary spoke about everyday tasks that became more like chores with the addition of their son.  Walking in the supermarket felt more like walking through a social experiment, Williams described.  If Zachary would start to cry, a mother would come along and ask where his mother was.  This point about the myth of the maternal instinct seems paradoxical when put in this context.  A woman still feels that women are more caring beings than men, yet this documentary sheds light on how futile that point actually is.
This film also combatted the notion of absent fathers.  The fathers in this film want children and a family more than anything and do so in the most fundamentally loving ways.  African American males are at the bottom of the list for interested adopters and the majority of children adopted in this film are black boys.  As if being outwardly gay wasn't bad enough, the inspiring men in this film also test their situation in some serious race waters.  It was hard for outsiders to understand that Zachary was the child of both Williams and Johnny even though Johnny was white and Williams was biracial.  I felt it was more uncomfortable to watch others being ignorant about Williams and Johnny's situation then it ever was to watch their family unit blossom.  There was nothing uncomfortable about two intelligent, loving, and motivated men who are deeply in love and trying to share that love with a child who really needs it.  The end of the documentary, while it made me totally cry, also made me think about my own family and new families just starting out all over the world.  A family is a safety unit of unconditional love and support and all children deserve to grow up in such an environment.  This documentary proved that fact over and over again with every scene and was emulated in the positive remarks and awards regarding the reactions to this influential film.

Alexa Campagna's post to Daddy and Pappa

This documentary is proof positive that a parent’s constant urge to protect, care for, and love his or her child is not a biological instinct and that a strong parent-child bond can develop between two genetically unrelated individuals.  Unfortunately, much of society is doing a terrible disservice to the many orphans and foster children, desperate for even the slightest ounce of love and affection, by making false assumptions about and accusations against homosexual couples that are willing to provide for these children.

            I was shocked by the complex screening process prospective gay parents must endure in order to adopt a child. It seems unfair, as one of the parents had said, that all heterosexual couples must do to have a child is have sex, while these men must be “grilled” before even being considered for the adoption process.  There are many straight couples that are unfit parents, who cannot and do not provide their biological children with even a fraction of the love and support that the gay adoptive parents provide to their biologically unrelated children.  The undeniable love that Kelly provides for his two adoptive sons, who come from an unstable and unsupportive home life, is obviously a healthier depiction of parenthood than that of the two boys’ drug-abusing biological parents. One’s ability to parent and love a child unconditionally clearly has no connection to one’s sexual orientation.

            I also found that even amongst gay couples, society still latches on to traditional gender-role stereotypes in order to determine which of the two partners will take on the role of the mother and of the father. It is almost as if people believe that gay couples cannot possibly raise a baby in an environment in which no mother figure is present. The Rugrats Movie idealizes the traditional two-parent, heterosexual household and made Chuckie feel as though his family was less adequate because he did not have a Mother. Oscar, because of messages similar to the one in the Rugrats Movie, is made to feel that his family is incomplete because he does not have a Mother, which is simply not the case. Alternative parenting, as depicted in this documentary, can be as effective as traditional parenting, if not more so, in providing a child with a loving, nurturing, and supportive environment in which to be raised. 

Carly Jensen Response to Daddy & Papa

The documentary Daddy & Papa gives an alterative view of fatherhood, and introduces its viewers to the challenges that come with starting a family as an openly gay man. The men interviewed offer an alternative idea of the “American dream”.

What I found most interesting was how the documentary was able to offer different perspectives of being a gay couple raising a child. The three families interviewed were all different, one was a single father, one couple was adopting, and the other couple used a surrogate. This diversity of family styles was what made the documentary so strong. It also proved the point that no matter the relationship or sexual orientation of parents, they are still a parent and their child is still their child. The storyline, of Jim and Phillip, the couple whose friend acted as a surrogate mother for their daughter, Fannie, best proves the idea that sexuality and gender do not matter when I comes to the difficulties of raising a child. They split because of the fact that their relationship was lost while raising their daughter. Walzer’s article discusses the gender imbalance in parenthood and the resentment and loneness women can feel once they become mothers. This can happen to any parent no matter their relationship before having children, Fannie’s fathers illustrate that gay parents are no exception. I also found it interesting that their main worry was that their daughter had two fathers, but that she had “divorced” fathers.

 However, what I felt was most powerful was the storyline of Oscar and his father Doug. As a gay man Doug was unable to legally adopt Oscar but despite this obstacle he was Oscar’s father. Oscar’s biological grandparents were interviewed and without hesitation they saw that Doug was clearly Oscar’s father, because he was there and took care of him. This idea that biology and gene’s are not necessary to be someone’s parents is really what this documentary is about. The documentary offers a view into a world where parenthood is not dictated by a maternal instinct or a biological connection. All of the couples interviewed were clearly their children’s parents and just as capable of being both a “mother” and a “father” to their children.