Gracie Miller's response to Daddy and Papa

            The movie “Daddy and Papa” shed light on the world of gay parents.  I like how the film focused on the same parenting questions all people face, “is this the right time to have a kid? When is the right time? Will I make a good parent?” and so on, and it made parenting a human issue early in the movie, instead of a sexuality issue.  That is perhaps what I enjoyed most about the film, was that it really focused on the humanness of parenting and the immense need for good parents.  I found it disheartening that states are continuing to ban gay adoptions and that in the name of some people feeling comfortable with the rules of society, thousands of children grow up without parents, who maybe could have been adopted.  The movie pointed out that over 50,000 African-American children are in need of homes, yet states keep making it harder and harder for gay people to adopt.  I cannot help thinking that our lawmakers need to take a step back and see the big picture, as an adoption agent said in the film, gay couples are a large untapped resource.  On that same theme, the fact that so many black children need homes creates a phenomena where there are many white gay couples who adopt black children, the film brought about this point gently, but made it plain that this is great but also an added level of societal difficulty facing both parents and children.  While I can see how a biracial gay family can be hard for society to accept, I think it is a real shame that people are not more accepting and I found it hard to watch the film and see how people can vilify the parenting these men do. 

            Another aspect of the movie that surprised me was the kind of catalogue shopping for children adoptive couples do, and that the couple did in the movie.  I found this aspect a bit creepy and sad. 

            What the movie talked about some and I thought was interesting was the women in the movie’s response to the gay dad’s.  Starting with the woman in the grocery store who commented on the crying baby in the grocery store, asking where her mother was and assuming the father could not handle it.  The offense that the men in the film took to women thinking they were incapable of being “good enough” parents is understandable and I would guess a sentiment felt by more than just the gay portion of the male parental population.  The foster mother in the film was sceptical of the gay dad’s due to her religious faith and her reconceived notions of the gay community.  She thought they could do something to the child in an inappropriate sexual manner or some other kind of abuse.  Yet once she got to know them she saw how good of parents they were, and that her prejudices were simply misinformation.  I think she is a great example of how views can change with a little education.  Finally the mother’s of the gay men in the film provided an interesting viewpoint, where it seemed that they were happy they were grandparents, that their sons were happy and they even really like their sons partners, but none of the parents seemed totally content with their sons sexuality.  I think this film really brought to light the role of expectation within society.  How expectations that group of people within society have of and for themselves influences how the rest of society views them, and how the expectations of other parts of society have on a particular group.  In the end expectation is the root of disappointment and I think that this film pointed out that wider societal expectations are of a certain family ideal that exists in more forms than the narrow heterosexual perfection people would like to believe exists. 

Daddy and Papa response by Dakota Peschel

Daddy and Papa is an important look at the lives of gay fathers in America and the adversity they face on a daily basis. Whether it be seemingly innocent sounding questions, or scrutinizing gazes, they constantly are under pressure to be the best parents because they are “non-traditional”. These families, even though they love their children very much, are under constant pressure because they are different, and according to the American ideal of equality, this is unfair, and this movie’s goal is to let the audience view an intimate glimpse of the lives of 4 families where the parents are gay men.

These men had as much, if not more compassion and love for their children than any mother, yet because they are men, it is assumed that they will not be good parents. Their gender, nor their sexuality take away from their capacity to be good parents, contrary to popular belief. Every person who was documented that had children was raising them to be normal, healthy, functioning members of society. The children all did normal things, whether it was the little boy who was showing an extreme interest in sports, or the daughter who played the cello. These kids did not stand out among their peers for any reason other than the sexual preference of their parents, and it is sad to see that even though our society is becoming increasingly open about this stuff, gay parents still need to prove themselves and their responsibilities.

In the film, the parents discussed how they had to be completely checked out in order to adopt, yet straight parents only need to have sex in order to make a baby. This brings into question family dynamics and healthy families. Are teenagers more prepared to become fathers and mothers than 30 something gay men who have careers and houses and are financially stable? It blows my mind that even though teen pregnancy is frowned upon, these young kids can have children whenever they want, yet these gay men have to go through an entire background check in order to adopt kids who need to find good homes.

Keith Veronesi's response to Daddy and Papa

After watching the film Daddy and Papa, I have a new perception of the challenges and difficulties faced with homosexual couples. Obviously I have known that homosexual couples are the subject to much more scrutiny in the eyes of the public and are faced with unnecessary challenges every day that no heterosexual couple has to deal with. Perhaps the biggest thing that sticks out to me after watching the movie was the way in which homosexual couples are examined before they are considered qualified for adoption. I mean I know nothing about adoption, but is it the same way when a heterosexual couple is looking to adopt a child? I just found it crazy that the littlest things, such as the railing on a staircase, being examined. It felt to me like the person running the inspection was trying to find the littlest things to deem these 2 gay men as not worthy or not able to give the child a suitable life. In terms of adoption and giving a child a suitable life, I found it really touching the way Doug and Oscar's story came about. Not only is Doug gay, but he is also white and the legal guardian for Oscar who is black. Despite being white and gay, I found it really incredible the way in which Oscar's grandparents accept Doug despite being different in two senses. They are able to look past Doug's sexual orientation and his skin color because they know he is giving Oscar the life that his biological father could not.

Another thing that really stuck out to me was the fact that it seems like society is going the wrong way in terms of accepting the adoption of children by gay couples. I found it unbelievable that Florida has made it illegal to adopt a child if you are gay. What was even more unbelievable to me was the fact that since Florida has made it illegal, two more states have done so as well. I figured it would have been the other way around. It would be like in today's world certain states allowing slavery again. How is it possible that states can pass laws prohibiting the adoption of children by gay couples? To me, if the parents are gay or not shouldn't matter as long as they are able to provide the child with the support and lifestyle that he or she has not been able to have growing up.

Lastly, I thought the movie did a really good job in showing what it is like for a child to grow up with two gay parents. Obviously that child is going to go through things that they cannot be prepared for. Unfortunately at such a young age children do not know anything besides what is going on in their own home and that can make things much harder for these kids growing up. To Oscar, or to the other children who have two moms or two dads, that is normal to them. Until they get out and go to school, growing up with gay parents isn't an issue. However, once these kids do get into the real world, unfortunately they have to deal with the struggles of having gay parents as well. The movie did a good job in really portraying the emotions the kids felt when they get made fun of or laughed at because they are not the same as most kids and the lifestyle most kids live in.

Response to "Daddy & Pappa" Emily Hunter

Response to “Daddy & Pappa” By Emily Hunter

            Throughout “Daddy & Pappa” the narrator discussed the numerous times he and his partner were questioned by strangers about their family and how they are able to raise a child as a gay couple.  Usually, after discussing the living situation with strangers, little change in mentality towards the gay parents was found, and the people remained skeptical of the men’s ability to raise a child.  What struck me was the fact that these people in the park could not see the gay men as two loving parents for the child, but a Fundamentalist Christian woman, Mrs. Foster, was able to put her strong religious views aside in order to allow her foster child, Zachary, to have a better life.  Foster explained that initially she believed that gay fathers would lead to Zachary’s “recruitment” to the gay lifestyle or that the men (being obsessed with sexual activity) would sexually assault the child. After meeting the partners and seeing the loving family they could provide, Mrs. Foster fully embraced the idea of Zachary living within a gay family. In addition to Mrs. Foster’s eventual trust in the gay parents, the rest of Mrs. Foster’s family was also able to accept the gay parents and Zachary into the family.  I believe that the fact that a strongly religious family was able to put aside their beliefs to accept this gay family speaks to the fact that much of the resistance to gay marriage, gay families, and overall gay culture is because it is different than what is known and is thus frightening to many.  I believe that if more people were exposed to gay culture and gay families, this form of family setting would begin to be more accepted and less feared. 

            Before coming to Conn, I did not know anyone who was involved in a gay or lesbian family, but because both my advisor and my research mentor are involved in a lesbian partnership and raising two toddlers (obtained through in vitro fertilization), I have had the opportunity to see more deeply into a lesbian family dynamic.  Based on what I have observed over the years, the mothers still provide the same (if not more) amount of loving care that any heterosexual partnership could provide to children.  I do not believe the mothers face as much interrogation as gay fathers face when raising a family, and I believe this discrepancy stems from the cultural idea that females have a natural instinct to be mothers, while fathers are not meant to be left in the home and thus are incapable of raising children with no female aid.  Hopefully, if the number of gay couples that raise children increases, people will begin to see that males are not solely restricted to existing in the public sphere and have the same ability as woman to raise children.

            Of course, as the documentary indicates, the government is making it harder than ever for gay couples to create families, and the families they are able to create face many complications.  One complication that was continually explored involved white, gay men raising African American children.  This family dynamic creates a situation that is loaded for discrimination and isolation, and these factors may play a role in creating unhappiness within the child.  The unhappiness could then be used against gay families in order to say they do not create adequate living experiences for the children.  For this reason, I believe that gay families must work much harder to battle the numerous forms of discrimination their children will face in their life time. 

Daddy and Papa- Tina Seretta

“Daddy and Papa” was an interesting documentary that followed the lives of gay couples experiencing the adoption process. What I though was most interesting about the film was the fact that many of the gay men were adopting black boys. Black boys are the least popular to be adopted and gay men are the most uncommon family model that we see today. However, I think in the end those differences will make the families closer, even though it will be a struggle. I really liked the documentary; I thought that it really showed that families could be any group of people as long as there is love. A lot of people in society today still do not feel this way, but after seeing a documentary like that I don’t know how people can still be so judgmental and stuck in their ways.

When Zach’s foster mom was talking about how she was worried about two daddies taking care of Zach she also mentioned that she was worried that being around gay men would turn Zach gay. My high school basketball coach is a lesbian and has one child. Her daughter is around 12 years old now. One time my coach was talking to me, and she said her daughter asked to get her hair cut really short, just like my coaches. The 12-year-old girl told her mother she wanted to be just like her. My coach allowed her to cut her hair, but she was concerned that her sexuality was being forced on her child. She clearly wants her daughter to be herself and embrace her sexuality in whatever way that might be, but my coach was concerned that that family setting her daughter was raised in may have impacted the way her daughter viewed sexuality. I just though that this was such an interesting worry that my coach had. 

Response to Daddy and Papa - Brooke Dinsmore

Daddy and Papa is a documentary that is ultimately about normality but because of our society, becomes revolutionary. It is impossible to deny the love of the families we see in Daddy and Papa. That love goes against an incredible amount of ideals and norms still held by so many people. Our common definition of family is really so incredibly narrow. This movie shows us how much. The families here are strong across blood, across race and across class. The gay men we see here truly challenge all narrow stereotypes of not just what gay men are but what fathers are.

The truly painful part of this movie is seeing how these families are hurt and what they struggle against; to see how they are hurt by societal standards. One of the hardest hitting parts of the movie for me was when one of the fathers wondered what would hurt his son the most – being a child of gay parents or being black. Both of these are things that should be truly arbitrary to the state of a person’s life. They should not dictate your well-being or your happiness. And knowing and loving the families in this movie, it is horrible burden to know that they do.

Jenn Hyslip Response to "Daddy & Papa"

The documentary film “Daddy & Papa” gave me the unique insight and opportunity to learn about something that I honestly do not give much thought to. As one woman interviewee says, “gay men are an untapped resource” when it comes to adoption. I would be curious to learn where in the United States gay men are chosen as adoptive parents, as to me, it seems as though this would be an extremely debated argument in some regions of the country. One part that I found shocking and kind of put things into perspective was the element of “testing” that goes on during the process of applying to become adoptive parents. They get interviewed many times and the background checks seem to be extremely complex and serious. While it makes complete sense for such tests to take place, it’s crazy to think that there isn’t any “testing” when it comes to biological parents and makes you think that maybe there should be some sort of program or interview that takes place before having children. On the other hand, these future adoptive parents are literally given a catalogue of children to pick form. One future parent even says well, “he has all the stats” as he looks at one profile. I guess the world of adoption is crazier and more unnatural than I thought, and something that I would be interested in learning more about. Another interesting fact of the film was that the adopted kids were African American boys. In the media, it is usually stereotyped that gay men always want to have a “little girl” like in the show “Modern Family”, the gay couple adopts an Asian girl. Although I understand that many of the adoptions were situational, it would have been interesting if the men in the film touched upon the topic of how they felt about adopting a white boy or a female. Additionally, it would be interesting if there were a segment that is later produced to see what their lives are like now, when the children grow up. Finally, I am very surprised that I have not seen many news stories in the media about this topic. However, maybe I just do not pay attention to such stories. Overall, I thought this was an unbelievably thought provoking documentary that sheds light on the life of extremely proud and successful parents that went through a daunting process, yet still prove to be unbelievable parents.