Response to Walzer - Brooke Dinsmore

I think Walzer’s article is very important and gives us a much clearer image of the division of labor within marriages. While there is a lot of discussion of how housework is distributed unequally, this article shows it is not just a matter of time but emotional and mental energy and that ultimately women are devoting far more of it to the home than men. It is clearly visible here that having children is much more strenuous for women than men. I read an article in another sociology class that showed this pattern of women taking on the “invisible work” of managing and worrying is not just something that happens when children are infants but throughout the lifetime of a family. The question that arises is what does this mean for women, men and families? For women I think it shows most clearly why the struggle to have a family and a career is still so relevant. No matter how much time men put in, women are still the ones taking on the true responsibility for the day to day life of the family. As Walzer goes into this is most certainly the result of socialization. Women are taught to assume this burden, to want this burden and men are not.

Throughout this reading I also couldn’t help but think of how much family life could improve for everyone if men engaged in emotional and mental work of parenting as well. The picture of fatherhood that emerges here is just about going through the motions, putting in the time and the physical labor. While these men certainly love their children, they are taught that the way they should express their love is by directing their energies away from the home. What if fathers devoted the same mental and emotional energy to parenting as mothers are taught too? Children would have two parents that were fully involved in their lives and the family would most certainly be a more efficient system. Mothers could truly take a break, could relax from their worries because their husbands could be fully trusted. Women would be enabled to devote more mental and emotional energy to their own selves, to be much healthier human beings, which in turn would be better for their children. And children would most certainly from fuller bonds with their fathers. We should move away from the current definitions of motherhood and fatherhood not just because they hurt women but because they hurt everyone.

Thinking about the Baby-Molly Bienstock

The article "Thinking about the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant Care" by Susan Walzer shines a light on a category of life most of us overlook.  This article articulates the problem that resides in thousands of homes across the globe about caregiving and gender roles.  This article reminded me of the article we read before break about the myth of the maternal instinct.  There is no specific gene, characteristic, or quality within women that would allow them to know how to perform as a mother.  And it is just that: a performance.  This article proves how mothers are under much more intense amounts of pressure to perform as the best mother.  Fathers are under much less pressure to worry about their children  or worry about how good of a father they are.  The article also illustrates an interesting point about fathers' lack of pressure to pay attention and worry abut their children because they have far more pressure to be the primary economic provider.  However, this pressure can also translate to a worry in many ways.  The father feels he must support the entire family with his career and this could mean a decreased focus on personal happiness and an increased focus on economic growth, which is a reason I think helps perpetuate unjust gender roles in the business sphere.  Men gain a notion that they must be the best, earn the most, and be the manliest, but that definition blurrs over time when manhood becomes an animalistic path to something non human.  The same way women try to reach an unattainable level of beauty, men try to grasp an outrageously gross amount of money that should actually not be reachable because it only generates close mindedness in a search for the almighty green paper.  
In addition to the already over stressed gender roles that exist in the home, there is another worry that persists for women and their babies.  The article quotes a mother named Eileen who worries about her "special relationship" with her son Jimmy.  Eileen has probably already called a sitter, worried extensively about her son during her occasional dinner out, and worried about coming home to see if Jimmy doesn't want the sitter to leave.  Eileen said this was devastating to her as a mother because she felt Jimmy rejected the special relationship they have as mother and son.  "If she was not the most special person to him, she was inadequate as a mother."  The mothers emotions are driven by insecurities while the father's is driven by fun!  The relationship between children and parents gains tension at the earliest of ages and ceases to change as the child grows.
The worries seem to be endless for both mothers and fathers, but for very different reasons.  All we can know for sure is that there is no right way to be a parent, but everyone always thinks they are failing at something that is supposed to be instinctual but is actually purely and nonsensically socially constructed.

Thinking about the Baby- Ellie Merrell

Does anyone remember the movie Cheaper by the Dozen? In this movie, the father of a family of twelve kids gets a new job in a different town. He uproots the family and moves an hour away to be closer to his place of work. As soon as the family moves in, the mother discovers that her book is going to be published and that the publishers are requiring her to tour for a week, advertising the book. Essentially, once the mother leaves the house, all hell breaks lose. The father doesn’t know who likes what type of lunch, he forgets to pick his kids up from school, and he doesn’t have time to satiate the emotional needs of his kids. Ultimately, the mother is forced to end her tour, thus jeopardizing the publishing of her book, in order to fix her family at home.

As I read “Thinking about the Family”, I couldn’t help but think about Cheaper by the Dozen. The father relocating the family in order to chase a job seemed to exemplify Walzer’s comments on the power that fathers gain from their economic responsibilities. Additionally, the father’s inability to manage the more detailed facets of parenting once his wife departs, like making the right lunches or keeping track of his kids’ schedules, indicates that he was never familiar with managing this kind of mental labor for his family. Finally, the expectation that the wife will put her career on hold in order to return to the family, rather than that the father quit his job to take care of the kids, supports Walzer’s observation that the wife always belongs more to the private world of home and family than the husband.

One thing I found particularly interesting about the article was Walzer’s suggestion that a lot of marital tension stems from different ideas about who should be grateful to whom. This makes so much sense. And, unfortunately, I think the only way that this tension can be diffused is if society reevaluates its expectations of mothers and fathers. We are at a weird point right now where women are more firmly entrenched in the public sphere and more aware of their right to equity. However, we still have a very traditional and dichotomized view of family responsibilities. These contradicting views and expectations of women are causing tension between the sexes.

Thinking about the Baby- Tina Seretta

The article thinking about the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant care touches on the social construct of gender roles as it relates to the rearing of children.  “Taking responsibility for babies is socially constructed as ‘women’s work’”.  Society perpetuates the idea that women are primary caretakers of their children. This concept has evolved and become so strong because of many different factors. Women tend to worry about their children more frequently. Mothers are constantly concerned about their children’s health and well-being, while fathers tend to be more focused on the economic issues. I agree with this but at the same time I feel that fathers also worry more than the article described, they just don’t necesarly express these feelings openly. For example, I feel that fathers are very protective over their daughters. Growing up my dad was always very protective over certain things. Rather than being obsessed with my health and worrying about doctor’s appointments my dad was more concerned about me being out too late. He always wanted me to check in when I was out late and driving. His worries were just different than my mothers. Still today my dad is always concerned about my safety while my mom is more worried about my health and well-being. I think this would have been an interesting aspect that the article could have explored more. Another personal example that also matches my theory is when my dad took me to the hospital. I got injured in a basketball game and my mom was out of town. My dad had to rush me to the hospital. The whole time we were there I could tell my dad felt uncomfortable, he did not know all the details of my past medical history and he even made a comment that eluded to the fact he wished my mother was around. I have always noticed differences in my parents gendered parenting styles. Society labels women as the caretakers of the home and kids. Mothers are expected to always be concerned about their kids, and if they don’t worry they are looked upon as bad mothers. 

One of the worst representations of parenthood is the MTV show 16 and pregnant. The show trashes father figures; there are no good representations of responsible caring boyfriends/ male figures present.  All the girls end up being the primary caretakers, and even they struggle. The girls struggle with motherhood simply because they are so young and have a difficult time transforming from a lively social 16 year old lifestyle to the pressures of being a mother. The show is a terrible representation of parenthood, and too many young girls watch. 

Thinking About the Baby - Mike Murgo

In Susan Walzer's Thinking about the Baby, she examines the gendered roles of parenthood and the care-taking imbalances between the parents. Firstly, she suggests that mothers worry about their babies because fathers do not. Fathers do not typically think about their children while they are at work or doing other things, and someone needs to care for the child, so it is left to the person who birthed it - the mother. Why is worrying associated with the mother, though? Walzer suggests that it is an integral part of taking care of a baby, as it evokes the scheduling of doctor appointments, babyproofing, and changes in the baby's diet. Moreover, there is a connection between physically caring for the baby and thoughts that reinforce this care - worrying more correlates to doing more. Additionally, mothers tend to be self-conscious about others' perceptions of their parenting. People tend not to think, "That's a good mother," when they see a good mother, but they do tend to think, "That's a bad mother," when they see a mother whose parenting they do perceive as inadequate. Mothers are worried about how others evaluate them as mothers, especially given the social script that mothers are the primary caretakers of the baby. Fathers, on the other hand, are given more slack by society. They are not expected to do all that a mother does in raising a child, nor do they actually do it. Fathers may feel that they are putting in equal work in raising a child, but in reality, mothers tend to be the managers of the required care-taking tasks. Mothers are typically the ones to ask the father to change the diaper or give the baby a bath; they have the extra burden of delegating the work, thus adding extra "mental labor," as Walzer puts it. Considering that their task of baby care if often the mother's ultimate responsibility, mothers become disempowered economically as the fathers tend to work the most.

"She worries a lot. I'm probably too easygoing, but she makes sure he goes to the doctor, makes sure he has fluoride, makes sure he has all of his immunizations. She's hyper vigilant to anytime he might be acting sick. She's kind of that way herself. I kid her about being a hypochondriac. She makes sure he gets to bed on time, makes sure he's eating enough, whereas I'm a little more lackadaisical on that." This account from an actual father represents the general mood of fathers in America. The mother worries about doing most of the work, while the father's job tends to be to tell her not to worry. I know in my personal life, this is how I was raised. My mother was always on top of everything. When I asked my dad a question, I would be answered with, "Ask your mother." Thinking back on life, I was raised almost completely by my mother with little influence from my father. She is surely the person who shaped who I am today. Walzer's analysis of economic disempowerment on the side of the mother is also true in my family's case, as my mother stayed home to care for my siblings and I until I was 5 years old, leaving my father to bring home the most money. Having this advantage, he kept her in the dark financially - even when he was out of work for extended periods of time - and it took years for her to discover how bad the financial situation really was. Walzer's analysis of parental power dynamics were very much alive in my household.

The family is a largely imbalanced and gendered institution, and I can't help but wonder how parents who know of this fact change their behaviors to make care-taking more fair and equal. I also cannot ignore how the biological implications of parenthood, which I had been hoping Walzer's article would discuss more of, play into the roles of parents. Mothers not only carry and birth the baby, but they need to stay with it in order to breastfeed. This naturally gives the mother more work than the father, and thus often times leads the mother to stay home while the father works. Should the fathers be stepping up their game and doing even more than what they perceive as "equal" when you factor the necessity of breastfeeding into the equation, even if they contribute most of their time to the family as the major breadwinner? It's all very tricky, especially when you cannot easily quantify the amount of labor given to the baby in order to divide it 50/50. How will you know when the father is doing just as much "mental work" as the mother, for example? And if one parent is not acting as the "planner" of work, delegating it amongst the two, how will the work get done? Parents will need to sit down together and plan tasks to complete the work without delegation. Making parenthood fair is a complex responsibility, and I am interested to find how it will play itself out if I ever have kids with another man one day, essentially stripping the mother from the equation.

Garrett Brown Response to "Thinking About the Baby"

As I read “Thinking about the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant Care”, I wasn’t necessarily surprised by any of the points that she discussed in the paper.  I haven’t done any research on the topic but Walzer seemed to really present points that should be obvious, at least in my opinion.  Maybe my lack of being surprised speaks to how society’s norms of infant and child care are so ingrained in my mind.  I think this is what Walzer is trying to make readers realize. There is definitely an unbalanced nature when it comes to taking care of babies and it stems from societal expectations. And that unbalanced nature is therefore decreasing marital satisfaction between heterosexual couples.
I always found it interesting that worrying is associated with motherhood.  While reading the section I thought about my mother and the mothers of close friends. The one thing they all have in common is being anxious about their children, even when they are past teenage years.   It’s undoubtedly something that apart of motherhood but I always thought it was unconsciously apart of parenthood in general.  I mean aren’t all parents suppose to worry about their children?  Then why is it in our society that this is something exclusively for women?  Furthermore, why are men simply expected to comment on their partner’s “concern” as overdoing and then balance it out with a laid back attitude.  
One of my favorite moments of the paper is what Walzer discusses under the headline “Mental Baby Care and Marital Changes”.  It really provides a great discussion on the imbalance that exist between a man and women when it comes to baby care and how it can affect the marriage.  Two keys words she uses in this sections are recognize and support.  Walzer talks about how one woman in her sample group felt as though he husband didn’t seem to recognize her thoughts or feelings about how important it is to be a good mother.  She has been advised by the baby help books not to tell him her true feelings and to just entice him into understanding but that obviously wasn’t enough.  Walzer also touches on support and men are praised when they are seen as doing their partner a service when they help in the caretaking of the babies but don’t return that praise to their wives.  These two points are connected because it basically saying that since men have this “freedom” that it easy for them to not recognize their wives true thoughts which leads to not providing them with the necessary emotional support.  

Jenn Hyslip Response to "Thinking About the Baby"

The article “Thinking About the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant Care” by Susan Walzer opened my eyes to a topic that I never spend much time thinking about – how the mental labor that is required when raising a baby enhances the already socially constructed gender roles. The first category that Walzer touches on is the act of worrying. What struck me most was the statement, “worrying was such an expected part of mothering that the absence of it might challenge one’s definition as a good mother” and how I am partially guilty of believing this. (Walzer, 221) As an occasional viewer of the popular reality television show, Teen Mom, I have become more likely to “root for” the mothers that are always by their kids, and shy away from paying attention to the mothers who pawn their children off to the grandparents. Additionally, I end up adoring the fathers that do “worry”. However, the sad truth is how fans enjoy the fathers that “worry” about their children because it is so out of the ordinary for a father to “worry” at such a young age. As Walzer mentions, “there is a much greater threat to their social identities…” (Walzer, 230)

The second element of the division of mental labor is processing the information. Walzer goes on to argue that the assumption that mothers will do the work is highlighted by the expert advice mothers to-be are given. The ultimate guide has been the book, What To Expect When You’re Expecting. It is supposed to be a pregnant woman’s reading before going to sleep and should never leave their bedside table, while the remote control doesn’t leave the man’s side of the bed. Another element that I think is associated with information is the cultural phenomenon of the baby shower. A baby shower is a party thrown for the mother to-be and acts as an excuse for females to get together and present her with gifts and humorous games that mock the dreaded life of motherhood. The soon to be father is expected to stop by, say hello, and leave – not participating in the celebration at all. It almost acts as a correlation to the slight effort males are expected to put into the baby.

The third section of Walzer’s article is managing the division of labor. She delves into how mothers are almost burdened with the responsibility of trying to encourage the father to become more involved. In a way, I beg to differ. I believe that a lot of times, mothers become controlling of the actions taken, and the fathers remain passive and let the mother “do what she does best”. The well-known argument is that it is the maternal instinct for mother’s to know what to do and because she is the one who is physically carrying the baby, she develops a connection. Whether this is scientifically true, I believe that because it tends to be the mother who is the central figure in the first bath, the first diaper, etc., etc., they don’t bother dealing with the father making a mistake.  I can think of so many examples in the media where a father is deemed a “bad father” when they don’t financially support the child. In the reality television show, “Real Housewives of Orange Country”, one father is exploited for not paying child support and thus is deemed an awful father. While the reasons of skipping out on child support remain unanswered, it solidifies what Walzer says of the father being the breadwinner. Many times in television shows, if there is a stay at home father in the show, he acts as a comic relief, as this is not ordinary role. Finally, another issue that I think is interesting is how the roles change in many households as the children grow up. As soon as the child becomes a teenager, the mother is checked out, and the father assumes the role of the protector. What is so interesting about this is that it enhances what we have talked about in class many times – the male taking on the physically dominant figure in the household.