Does anyone remember the movie Cheaper by the Dozen? In this movie, the
father of a family of twelve kids gets a new job in a different town. He
uproots the family and moves an hour away to be closer to his place of work. As
soon as the family moves in, the mother discovers that her book is going to be
published and that the publishers are requiring her to tour for a week,
advertising the book. Essentially, once the mother leaves the house, all hell
breaks lose. The father doesn’t know who likes what type of lunch, he forgets
to pick his kids up from school, and he doesn’t have time to satiate the
emotional needs of his kids. Ultimately, the mother is forced to end her tour,
thus jeopardizing the publishing of her book, in order to fix her family at
home.
As I read “Thinking about the
Family”, I couldn’t help but think about Cheaper
by the Dozen. The father relocating the family in order to chase a job
seemed to exemplify Walzer’s comments on the power that fathers gain from their
economic responsibilities. Additionally, the father’s inability to manage the
more detailed facets of parenting once his wife departs, like making the right
lunches or keeping track of his kids’ schedules, indicates that he was never
familiar with managing this kind of mental labor for his family. Finally, the
expectation that the wife will put her career on hold in order to return to the
family, rather than that the father quit his job to take care of the kids,
supports Walzer’s observation that the wife always belongs more to the private
world of home and family than the husband.
One thing I found particularly
interesting about the article was Walzer’s suggestion that a lot of marital
tension stems from different ideas about who should be grateful to whom. This
makes so much sense. And, unfortunately, I think the only way that this tension
can be diffused is if society reevaluates its expectations of mothers and
fathers. We are at a weird point right now where women are more firmly
entrenched in the public sphere and more aware of their right to equity. However,
we still have a very traditional and dichotomized view of family responsibilities.
These contradicting views and expectations of women are causing tension between
the sexes.
I never understood why movies such as Cheaper by the Dozen portray fathers as bad care tackers when it comes to children. This just furthers perpetuates the stereo type that women are only good as care tackers and should be home with their children because if a man was all hell would break louse. I think at times women feel that they must stay home with their child because they feel unsure leaving their husband with the child. This way of thinking only makes women more likely to be the care givers of the family which is a hard role for any woman. You have t think about what message movie like Cheaper by the Dozen brings to a woman and how it influences her? I don't think the message would be positive for a first time mother.
ReplyDeleteJae
Ellie- Great job in connecting this reading to the movie. I do remember the movie, and it does do a great job in showing the difference between motherly and fatherly roles within the family. It is often seen many times that families are uprooted because of the change in the fathers job location, etc. Very rarely are women's occupations deemed "important" enough for the whole family to change location and basically start from scratch. Also, it is very important that you bring up the ways in which the movie shows how unorganized the father figure in the movie is when he is left in charge of doing things such as laundry, cleaning, and cooking. Unfortunately, like I mention in my other comments, I think society is the reason to blame for this. Society has deemed male occupations more important than female and it shows based of salaries. Very rarely do women make more than men for doing the same thing and the result of this is often that women are the ones who are forced to stay at home and take care of the kids. Great job.
ReplyDeleteEllie brought up the observation that is touched on in the article and I think is worth another look, the idea that much marital tension revolves around who should be grateful to whom. I definitely think that this issue of showing gratitude and appreciation is a huge source of marital conflict and tension, yet beyond marriage I see it in young relationships between friends and couples my age. I often hear people say, “I took care of him the whole time he was sick and he never even thanked me” or “I drive her everywhere and she never offers to pay for gas or say thank you.” There are two problems here that I think the article overlooks, the willingness of people to communicate their needs, and the willingness of their partner to fulfil those needs. In friendships and romantic relationships this plays out differently but in the end it all comes down to communication and it seems as though in the article that was the biggest breakdown. It seemed as though husbands and wives could not communicate why they were frustrated or worried to their partner, at least not in a way where both parents were on the same page.
ReplyDeleteThe movie “Cheaper by the Dozen” truly and accurately exemplifies the dichotomy between what society has deemed to be a woman's role and a man's role within a family system. It is rare to hear about a woman who has uprooted her family because of a career opportunity, especially one that involves a promotion to a high-powered company position. As Walzer states in the reading, in a couple where both partners are employed, the couple tends to decide that one individual will either quit his or her job completely or heavily cut back on working hours in order to take care of a newborn child. The individual that usually sacrifices career for the baby's sake tends to be the woman, under the assumption that the man will have the more lucrative of the careers. Simply based on the sample population of those whom Walzer interviewed, in which all but one of the fathers was employed, it is clear that a woman's job as caretaker is thought to be primary, while a paying occupation should remain secondary. It is now clear to me, as well, why these “assigned” roles would decrease marital satisfaction so drastically. An independent, ambitious woman who decides to stay at home based on subtle societal motherhood mandates, that woman should feel guilty if they choose to work and leave their child in the care of others, may feel isolated and trapped while her husband is able to go to work and leave the childcare primarily to the mother. -ALEXA CAMPAGNA
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ReplyDeleteI really like that you brought up the movie "Cheaper by the Dozen," and agree with other people that it's a great connection to the article. While I was reading your post, I was thinking more and more about the movie and how much it reinforces the notion that it is women, not men, who can manage the household, and that chaos will ensue if men are left in charge. I was also remembering how frequently the mother in the movie would call to check in on the children, always worried about what might be going wrong. Personally, I can relate to this idea that "mother knows best" because I definitely felt that way growing up. When I was younger, my Dad was always traveling for work, and it was my Mom was left in charge of me and my brother. I never remember having an qualms about being left with just my Mom. However, if my Mom were to go away and it was my Dad in charge, I remember that my first thought was always "oh no." I always felt that while my Mom could manage the household on her own, my Dad couldn't, and in many ways this was true. Not because my Mom had some innate ability to run the house, but because she was the one who had the majority of the responsibilities, even when my Dad was home.
ReplyDeleteEllie, I was really impressed and interested by your connection of the article to one of the most symbolic films of our generation. I could not agree more with your statement that "We are at a weird point right now where women are more firmly entrenched in the public sphere and more aware of their right to equity. However, we still have a very traditional and dichotomized view of family responsibilities." I have constantly noticed (and more recently upon studying sociology) that American women are essentially in a Catch-22, for while they are awarded for hard work, motivation, and success (as seen in mainstream media and the educational system) they are somehow expected to have children (preferably many) and care for a family and husband. If they forsake one of these ideals they are looked down upon or underestimated. Although the film 'Cheaper by the Dozen' has optimistic and joyful messages of family, it also demonstrates that a woman can not have an exceptional career while having a family, and this message is echoed in the article we read.
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