As I read “Thinking about the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant Care”, I wasn’t necessarily surprised by any of the points that she discussed in the paper. I haven’t done any research on the topic but Walzer seemed to really present points that should be obvious, at least in my opinion. Maybe my lack of being surprised speaks to how society’s norms of infant and child care are so ingrained in my mind. I think this is what Walzer is trying to make readers realize. There is definitely an unbalanced nature when it comes to taking care of babies and it stems from societal expectations. And that unbalanced nature is therefore decreasing marital satisfaction between heterosexual couples.
I always found it interesting that worrying is associated with motherhood. While reading the section I thought about my mother and the mothers of close friends. The one thing they all have in common is being anxious about their children, even when they are past teenage years. It’s undoubtedly something that apart of motherhood but I always thought it was unconsciously apart of parenthood in general. I mean aren’t all parents suppose to worry about their children? Then why is it in our society that this is something exclusively for women? Furthermore, why are men simply expected to comment on their partner’s “concern” as overdoing and then balance it out with a laid back attitude.
One of my favorite moments of the paper is what Walzer discusses under the headline “Mental Baby Care and Marital Changes”. It really provides a great discussion on the imbalance that exist between a man and women when it comes to baby care and how it can affect the marriage. Two keys words she uses in this sections are recognize and support. Walzer talks about how one woman in her sample group felt as though he husband didn’t seem to recognize her thoughts or feelings about how important it is to be a good mother. She has been advised by the baby help books not to tell him her true feelings and to just entice him into understanding but that obviously wasn’t enough. Walzer also touches on support and men are praised when they are seen as doing their partner a service when they help in the caretaking of the babies but don’t return that praise to their wives. These two points are connected because it basically saying that since men have this “freedom” that it easy for them to not recognize their wives true thoughts which leads to not providing them with the necessary emotional support.
I was also most intrigued by the paragraph about mental baby care and marital changes. My mother, who was a stay-at-home mom, would constantly complain that my father would never help her with any of the household work and that he would assume that house care was primarily her responsibility. Although she would become frustrated and express her concerns to her friends over the phone, I was always confused as to why she never expressed these concerns to my dad. Whenever he would, on the rare occasion, offer to help clear the table, she would say "no" or that she would "rather do it herself." Although this issue was a small strain on their relationship, the socially constructed assumption that women should shoulder much of the childcare and housework is something that even my mother felt uncomfortable giving up.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Garrett when he discusses the disproportionate amounts of praise given to fathers when they choose, or are "enticed," to have an active role in child care. Mother's work as a 24/7 parent and housemaid, work that usually goes under-appreciated and unpaid, is assumed, while a father, who is assumed to provide financially, is lauded when he changes a diaper or contributes above and beyond what very little is expected of him. Since a man's identity is not based as strongly on his role as a father as a woman's is a mother, a man can be much more nonchalant and relaxed about childcare without feeling as though his identity may be tarnished if he does not meet certain societal expectations as a parent.
Like, Garret, I was not necessarily surprised by most of what the article presented. I agree with Garret’s statement that my reaction is evidence of just how gendered norms are a part of childcare and parenting. Mothers are expected to worry and their work becomes invisible, however in comparison when a man takes on the bulk of parenting or worry he is seen as an expectation and extremely visible. Garret accurately comments on the imbalance nature of parenthood. It is also important to note that even if a mother chooses to work and either have their husband stay at home or another caregiver stay with her child, she are consumed with both guilt and worry. Mothers are supposed to be their child’s primary emotional and physical caregiver and this leads to the assumption that mother are supposed to worry about their children. I think is also connects to the idea that men are supposed to support and share their partners concern, and without this support a marriage may be compromised. Women take on a majority of the work, but because society expects them to do so their efforts can go unseen. Garret makes an important point that the expectations of females exists in a marriage and it is easy for a man to expect his wife to do a bulk of the work.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Garrett that parenthood is definitely an unbalanced relationship and that it seems to be that way because society tells us it is. This statement really got me thinking about single parents and parenting. Single moms are far more prevalent than single dads, and that is because fathers are more likely to be absentee than mothers are, simply because mothers are the caregivers in this society. Mothers give birth to children, and it is because of this that they are expected to have a stronger connection with their children and they are the ones who always need to be there, not the father. It is rare that we see a single father raising kids, and if so, it is usually due to a tragic accident. It's bothersome that this is standard, and even moms get preferential treatment in divorce courts, even though sometimes the fathers are more fit to take care of the kids. The societal standard is that women are the caregivers and it will be hard to change that.
ReplyDelete