"Daddy and Papa" - Mike Murgo

In the documentary "Daddy and Papa", homosexual fathers raise children without the assistance of a mother. In our society, the role of the father is often thought of as a "helper", so when a child has two "helpers" as parents, a unique social dynamic is produced. People also often assume that, when they see a child with two fathers, one of the fathers is actually a buddy of the other father. Society tends to view parenthood in a very heteronormative light, so the idea that both these men could be fathers may not even cross their minds. Gay men often have to "come out" as joint parents. Misconceptions regarding homosexuality are abound in parenthood as well, including the idea that all gay men want is sex and that their homosexuality may be passed down to the child as a learned behavior. As a foster parent said, “Because he has two daddies, he’ll end up like them too. And they’ll do things to him.” As same-sex parenting becomes more popularized, like it is right now with Neil Patrick Harris and his partner, these misconceptions will hopefully become a thing of the past.
Aside from the misconceptions about gay parents, a few other things bothered me as well. When the gay parents were looking for a child to adopt, I couldn't help but feel like they were treating the individual children like pieces of meat or farm animal. "He’s got all the right stats – he’s very young, in good physical health." Knowing how meticulous I am, I probably would have taken into account the same factors, but I still had to take a second to process that they were talking about living human beings, as they essentially catalog shopped for their child.
I liked how the documentary handled the topic of race instead of sweeping it under the rug. The movie told the audience that black boys are the least desirable foster kids, so I thought it was good that these gay men were adopting them. After the black kids get home, however, the issue of race does not go away. White parents are not going to know the struggles of their black children, and they will always get strange looks when they are together in public.
The story of Oscar touched me, but what touched me the most was the story of the gay couple who had a girl from a surrogate mother. Firstly, I was shocked and pleased that the mother would give up a year of her life just to have a baby that she'd give away. I felt awful for her, though, because she said there isn't a day that goes by where she doesn't wish she could be more in the little girl's life. How emotionally draining is that? She is filled with longing every single day, and cannot do anything about it. I wonder if she would make the same decision again, if given the opportunity. I don't think I'd be able to sacrifice my child like that. Secondly, I felt horrible for the girl after her fathers broke up. Divorce is difficult for any child, but when you're in such a unique situation as she is, I can't help but imagine what she must have been thinking. Her mother is not in her life and she is bounced back and forth between two gay men. However, I did like how she was able to accept having two gay dads as okay - the issue was the divorce, not the homosexuality. I thought that was very mature of her. Her situation reminded me of someone I know who had a three-way parenting agreement. The man impregnated a lesbian woman, and the two lesbian women shared the daughter with the man. I wonder if a situation like this would have been a better alternative for the family, so the mother could still be more in the daughter's life.
In the end, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and it actually brought up a lot of personal feelings. To be honest, by the end of it, I was excited for my future. I was picturing my current partner and I raising a child together, and I liked what I was seeing. That's years off, but the idea of it still excites me.