"Thinking about the Baby" Response by Emily Hunter

“Thinking about the Baby: Gender and Divisions of Infant Care” by Walzer Response by Emily Hunter

 During the final class before spring break we discussed Hollingworth’s article exploring the devices used to impel women to have and raise children. One theme that arose out of this discussion was the idea that a woman’s self-worth can be determined based on whether or not she is a mother, and if she is, whether or not she is a good mother. This same theme can be seen numerous times in Walzer’s article. The worth of a woman being defined through motherhood is first noted when Walzer explained that many mothers worry because they believe they are supposed to be worrying, and that worrying about their child means they are good mothers. This “need” for worrying leads many women to feel they are not fulfilling their role as mothers because they are not constantly thinking about their children. This constant worrying about being a “good” mother begins even before a woman has a child. Personally, I have had numerous discussions with friends regarding who will make a “good” mother and who will not. I (and many of my friends) have already begun to question whether we have what it takes to be successful as mothers. I now wonder whether these questions begin to arise at this age because women move into a new stage of life in which the defining factors of femininity are changing. Yet the worrying mothers experience is not simply based around the child’s health and wellness, but also around how the child’s actions reflect upon the parenting of the mother. Again, this “mother worry” (as Walzer describes it) indicates that women are extremely self-aware as to how they are seen as mothers, and gain or lose self-worth based on how successful they are as mothers.

 One aspect that Walzer did not explore in great detail involves looking at the worries of fathers. Throughout the article Walzer explained that the fathers do not experience the same type of worries that mothers do and the fathers actually take a more laid back role in the family. Yet, Walzer also explains that this may be because society demands that fathers be the primary financial support for the family and for this reason fathers must dedicate more time to work than to the family. I feel that fathers most likely worry about bringing in money as much as mothers worry about the children, but because the two parents worry about different things, tensions may arise within the marriage.

 I also found the section on division of labor within the household to be both humorous and thought provoking. For years I have listened as my mother asked my father why he can’t seem to do any housework unless he is told to. While my parents split many of the household tasks, cleaning has been something that my father does not choose to do without being ordered. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that my mother has always been the one who decided who and what needed to be done in the house while my father and I simply waited for orders. Thinking about this division of labor in the context of the article, I can now understand my mother’s frustration arises from the pressure she feels to keep the house clean with little to no help from other members of the family. Not only does the lack of help frustrate her, but numerous times she has hinted at the fact that my father gets to participate in many physical activities he loves, while she cannot because after her day job she is responsible for cooking dinner and straightening up the house. I always tell her to simply make time for herself, but now I see it may not be as easy as I believe. It is possible that my mother feels the pressure from society to conform to proper household roles and thus does not have as much freedom as my father or me. I therefore believe it is extremely likely that these feelings of oppression mothers experience based on family dynamics have the possibility to create frustration and tension within a marriage.