I found this article to be an interesting look inside
parenting dynamics and how mothers and fathers each have a different and
particular role. Nothing too out
of the ordinary jumped out at me as I read this, as I agreed with most of the
facts and statements throughout.
The first section, which discussed the worrying factor in parents, shed
an interesting light on why mothers worry. I thought it was interesting that Walzer thought that
mothers worried only because fathers do not. This section then went on to mention that mothers will go
the entire day without letting their baby leave their mind, while fathers do
not necessarily think about their children their entire work day. Like I said above, this doesn’t jump
out at me as ridiculous and far fetched, but it was interesting to see some of
the quotes on display by Walzer, and facts to back it up. It doesn’t seem to me like there is a
problem in our society in terms of father’s not caring/worrying enough. In most households fathers are expected
to put food on the table and do the bulk of the work outside the home.
Another part of the article that I found interesting was the
concept of whether or not parents thought they were doing a poor job or good
job raising their kid. One mother
said that she always is worrying about what everyone else is going to think. I have definitely noticed this with some
of my friends’ mothers growing up as a kid. The sense of
self-consciousness in mothers can be very visible I have noticed as I have
gotten older. One of my neighbors
who is now a single mother with a younger boy around age thirteen, is always
making sure she comes off as a “good parent.” I have noticed this the past three years. This mom will try to make it apparent
to other parents in the neighborhood that she is up to par with her parenting
obligations, and will even express her “good parenting” towards me and my
sister by bragging about what she allows her son to do. (etc…) I find it funny,
and as I read this article I was able to see a real life connection. Walzer’s article helped put parenting
into perspective for me.
Josephine Bingler
ReplyDeleteI thought it was very interesting to read about how women worry about what everyone else is going to think regarding their parenting. Just as women judge women everyday on appearance, mothers also judge other mothers on parenting. I see it in the supermarket, on the plane, and in public places all the time! Women always turn their noses up or scoff at the mother who can't "control" their child. My mother stopped flying with me for an entire year because I would scream and cry in planes. She said that women would make cruel remarks and would ask her if I was her first child. One woman even referred her to a class that taught mother's how to control rowdy children. I think it's so interesting how there is so much pressure to keep children quiet and behaving in public.
I also found a mother's sense of self-consciousness in being perceived as a "good parent" to be interesting. This weekend I attended my cousin's first birthday party in which many fathers, mothers, and young children were present. Whenever a child did something that was inappropriate, like hit another child or reach out and touch the birthday cake, the mother would always be the one to scold the child or alert them that that particular behavior is not acceptable. The fathers, however, said nothing, and would simply laugh when their children engaged in this inappropriate, yet somewhat hilarious, behavior. The mothers were clearly trying to monitor their children's behavior more closely than the fathers because, for a mother more so than a father, the child's actions are reflections on their ability to parent. I think that this self-consciousness is unavoidable but rather sad. Mothers are held to a higher standard of parenting and if a child does something inappropriate or deviant, other people automatically attribute this behavior to a flaw in the mother's parenting, not the father's. A little boy at the party, RJ, was being a little bit hyperactive and making some "inappropriate" comments. I thought it was funny, but as soon as we left the party my mom began to comment on his mother's parenting abilities, even though he was just acting like a regular six-year-old child that was hopped up on birthday cake and cookies. I think that the pressure to look like a "good parent" creates some competition between mothers who are constantly scrutinizing each other so they feel as if they are the superior mother.
ReplyDeleteJohn commented that he agreed that many of the observations in the article are true, and I would have to agree, especially in regards to worrying. John brought up the contrast in the article where women worry about their child all the time, while men can go to work and not worry about their kids the entire day. I find this phenomenon interesting for a few reasons. The article attributed the women’s large amount of worrying to their societal standing and how their children’s behaviour reflected on them. Likewise the article attributed the man’s lack of worry to the fact that society does not judge men by their children’s behaviour and therefore they do not have the same stressors. While I agree society has not left middle school and girls judge each other harshly for little to no reason, I think that there is another explanation. The article pointed out that many fathers did not take care of their children’s physical or emotional needs unless their partners told them too. It seems to me that many mothers must feel that they have to take sole responsibility for the baby’s needs because no one else is going to do it. Just the thoughts of being solely responsible for any living thing is terrifying and overwhelming, never mind a human being. Though some might argue that the father’s are present too, I have a hard time believing this fact would negate the worrying in a mother’s mind, for if the mother does not take care of the baby who will? The father? How are the mother’s in this article supposed to believe that? After all the father’s never seem to assume the responsibility of care when the mother’s are there, so how would the mother’s know that the father’s could do it if they were not there?
ReplyDeleteI think mothers feel that they have to do everything and feel everything that the father does not. Any emotion that the father does not show or lacks a mother must show. For a mother this must carry a lot of pressure. Women are seen as motherly by nature while fathers are seen as tough. Society makes mothers and fathers opposite of each other in terms of emotion. My grandmother was both a mother and father to me and my brother. She was tough and motherly and we could see that playing both roles was exhausting for her. However she felt that she had to do it for us and our well being. It is also interesting to think about how when there is a single parent they also play both roles in their parenting so that there child in a sense would get the same thing as if there were a mother or father involved.
ReplyDeleteJae
John- Good job on your first point in raising the awareness about how differently mothers and fathers days revolve around that of their children. I do not necessarily think that because the mother worries more on a daily basis that she ultimately loves or cares more for the children, but typically in society it is the mother that has stayed home throughout the childhood of the kids, so when they move on and become older and are not around the mother as much, it is almost a culture shock for the mother. Society has made this a re-occuring theme in which the mothers are typically the ones who stay home with the kids, while the fathers work their 9-5 jobs and supply for the family. I am sure our families are similar in which your father has always been the one concerned about your athletics, while your mother has focused on other things such as schooling, social life, and other things that mothers a prone to worrying about. Good job on the post!
ReplyDelete