At least im not Gay- Ry Hormel Post

Post By: Ry Hormel

I found the article “At Least I’m not Gay” very frightening yet very relevant.  To be gay in the black community is one of the most forbidden things imaginable.  It goes against culture, religion, and pretty much everything else.  This reminds me of a story my friend told me.  He immigrated to America from Africa.  He told me when he first got to the US. he was watching TV with his friend and his friends dad.  On the TV two men kissed and his buddies dad paused the TV and told them that if they ever had “Gay” thoughts he would hurt them.  This is a perfect example of the type of pressure and ideals some people have within the black community.  Or even within every community.   

            

The part of the article that caught my eye the most was the section titled: Threats and Violence.  This section talked about kids in school hurting gay people thinking they would sexually harass them.  The source of this thought seems to usually come from their parents.  What this shows me is that the reason for these thoughts and actions are a result of lack of knowledge.  The kids that feel this way about gay people are stereotyping and have it completely wrong.  It is hard to read something like that knowing that it happens.  The severity of that example may or may not happen on our campus, I don’t know.  But it tells me that there needs to be more education in that area to not only the black youth but every youth.   

"At Least I'm Not Gay" Response by Garrett Brown

Reading this article, I found myself not being shocked by any of the things I was reading.  I previously read about all the issues that were brought up and personally seen them in action.  I couldn’t help, while reading this article, about how being gay (or bi, trans, etc.) in the African-American culture is completely unacceptable.  You are looked upon as being less than a man (or woman) and “not black” because in you are basically going against your own race or culture.

Since African-American/Black and Latinos are low in the social hierarchy in America, there’s the need to hold onto any chance of being part of the dominant culture.  Since heterosexuality is the dominant idea or the what’s normal, most members of these communities hold on to them as tightly as possible.  What backs their position up are there strong religious beliefs that say that homosexuality is demonic.

Believing in such ideology causes many problems.  It causes Black and Latino youth to verbally and physically show that are heterosexual and that they aren’t nothing close to being gay, bisexual or any of that nature.  This sometimes causes them to be physically and verbally violent against those who do identify to be a member of LGBTQ community.  This, therefore, leads the raising number of suicides or other emotional problems for those who struggle with their identity.

"At Least I'm Not Gay" Response - Brooke Dinsmore

In “At Least I’m Not Gay”, Froyum explores how heterosexual identities are constructed among inner city African American youths in order to gain access to privilege they otherwise lack. Froyum’s article really shows us a couple of things. This article provides excellent evidence of how race, class and gender work congruently during the construction of social definitions. Froyum clearly shows how the youth’s construction of heterosexuality is related to their race and class. She also isolates the ideologies the teenagers hold about sexuality.

I thought one of Froyum’s most interesting insights was the teenagers’ use of social constructionism and individualism to reconcile their beliefs about the immoral nature of homosexuality with their continued affection for their gay or bisexual friends and relatives. This isn’t the first time I have heard this kind of logic surrounding homosexuality. One of my friends from my hometown was a deeply religious person who believed that according to the bible homosexuality was a sin. We got in many arguments about this and he would frequently protest that this didn’t mean he hated people who were gay or thought anything bad about him. He once told me that he viewed people being gay as the same thing as his sister choosing to live with her boyfriend before marriage. He didn’t approve of it but it was their personal choice. I pointed out that the problem with this type of reasoning was that he didn’t want to pass laws saying that people who lived together before marriage could never get married. And as evidenced by Froyum, this ideology of individualism also complicated things for inner city youth who constantly regulated themselves in the hopes of not “going gay”.

Froyum’s article also clearly shows just how dependent on social context ideas like heterosexuality or gender are. The youth’s heterosexuality or gender wasn’t something they created on their own or were self-secure in. It was something that must be constantly affirmed by everyone around them. This was especially visible to me in the behavior of the girls who moved away from being “tomboys” because of the social pressure of their peers. They began to doubt their own femininity and consequently their heterosexuality because of the reactions of their peers.

At Least I'm not Gay- Tina Seretta

In the article, “At Least I’m not Gay” the author, Carissa Froyum, makes some fascinating arguments.  Her main point is that individuals of minority races cannot use their race as social capital so in response they use their heterosexuality as a way to gain power over a different minority group.  The kids in the Urban Youth Network (UYN) have learned “identity-making strategies” in order to create a sense of superiority in their social institution. Because facing racial and economic discrimination and disadvantage, the children use their sexual identities as a tool for empowerment.  African American boys do this by “controlling girls and other’s sexuality”; thus sexuality becomes a means of power and control that they lack in other aspects of life. Black girls find this same feeling of empowerment through motherhood and early pregnancy. Through motherhood the girls find a sense of purpose and self worth.

 The UYN children were completely against homosexually, even though many of them had gay or lesbian family members and close friends. The justifications the children made to preserve their heterosexual dominance showed a lack of knowledge and tolerance of alternative sexual preferences.  Mentally, the children internalized these justifications and saw them as true by connecting “gender conformity to heterosexual identity”. The children used social constructionist discourses, gender nonconformity ideals, complications of heterosexual relationships, religion, and the complementary nature argument to provide reasoning that legitimized their views of heterosexuality as the dominant and accepted sexual preference.

            The UYN children felt that unless you possessed qualities that categorized you as heterosexual or “ straight as an arrow”, you were either a fag or a dyke. Growing up I was a tomboy; I wore pants and t-shits and enjoyed playing sports, roughhousing outside, and exploring in the woods. Clearly, I possessed tomboy characteristics. However, my sexuality was never questioned.  Although this phase I went through did not extended into my late middle school years, it was not until high school that children really started accused others of being gay or lesbian.  When I was younger being a tomboy was completely normal, but as children get older they become more sensitive and aware of gender differences. The children of UYN start noticing these differences much earlier, because it’s the one identity they can recognize and create their own sense of self.  By making gays and lesbians a minority group, the children found a renewed sense of self-esteem. Because they had no control over their race and economic standings, they viewed sexuality as a choice; it was the one social aspect in life they feel they could control. 

Mike Murgo - "At Least I'm Not Gay"

In Carissa Froyum’s ‘At Least I’m Not Gay’: Heterosexual Identity Making among Poor Black Teens, she examines the pervasive sentiment among urban black youth that homosexuality is wrong and the behavior that stems from this moral judgment. This examination is largely connected to the idea that men and women police sexuality as a way to construct their own masculinities and femininities. Not only that, but “they conflated sexuality with gender nonconformity by ostracizing gender nonconformists as gay” (Froyum, 604). Heterosexual boys present themselves, and their gender, as anything but gay – they change their “gay-coded” behaviors to conform to straight stereotypes, they disassociate from gay people, and declare their heterosexuality which is often times done through acts of violence, threats, and bashing homosexuality and homosexuals. Further, the students typically do not make the distinction between sexuality and gender. If someone is gender-nonconforming, they are labeled as gay. “They teased and ostracized gender benders as gay or lesbian, and they humiliated gay boys and lesbian girls by drawing attention to their gendered behaviors” (Froyum, 615). Essentially, if something about you wasn’t masculine, you’d be called out for it. Furthermore, I would like to examine the author’s observation that “they presented their heterosexist beliefs through essentialist discourses about the origins and moral consequences of sexual orientation. These accounts naturalized their own sexuality and attached status to heterosexuality” (Froyum 609). Last semester in my Intro to Queer Studies class, we read Angels in America and analyzed the character Roy Cohn, who slept with men but did not identify himself as a homosexual. “Homosexuals have no clout,” he would say. Consistent with Froyum’s analysis, Cohn attached status to heterosexuality, and was not willing to give it up even though he fit the definition of a homosexual.

Luckily, in my experience, my high school wasn’t as rigid in their beliefs as the students at UYN seem to be. There were a handful of openly gay or bisexual individuals (one of whom reported never facing any homophobia), in addition to one openly transgender girl. From my perspective, she had it the worst. No one understood why “he-she” (or the incredibly dehumanizing “it”, which still makes me cringe every time) would wear dresses to school. Guys wouldn’t pass up on the opportunity to bash her when she wasn’t present, seemingly affirming their masculinity to each other. As the article explains, “policing gender is sometimes used as a way of securing heterosexuality.” It should be noted that my high school was primarily white and located in a suburban middle class to upper middle class town, so it was different from UYN in that there were fewer impoverished students and few students of color. The far-fetched ideas about how one becomes a homosexual (like through proximity or after having complications in a heterosexual relationship) were less popular than they are at UYN, but still present.

As a homosexual myself, I chose to only let a few, select number of friends know that I was gay until after I graduated. As a sociable guy and class president for all 4 years of high school, I was rather well-liked, respected, and known for being an intelligent hard worker. I didn’t want anyone’s behaviors or attitudes toward me to change simply because of my sexuality. I feared awkward social interactions and, apparently, loss of status. In retrospect, I wish I came out to everyone while still in high school. In order to change minds and disrupt false stereotypes about the queer community, I think it would have been beneficial for my peers to see that the well-liked person they elected year after year is indeed homosexual. Many of them knew me since elementary school, and, wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t make a move on any of them (“If someone were gay, they surmised, then he would sexually proposition anyone, even straight friends.” Froyum, 617) and not a single one of them became gay from being in my presence all those years.

Molly Bienstock's Response 'At Least I'm Not Gay'

When I thought I was a boy in the fifth grade, I had an odd sense of uncomfortability looming before me that I later realized was some severe insecurity about my true self.  There were countless thoughts running through my head as the tornado of shit that was Middle School became fast approaching.  Middle School: the land of smelly bodies, budding facial hairs, and a heightened awareness of the fact that you are completely unaware of your physical and emotional self.  Reading this article, 'At Least I'm Not Gay': Heterosexual Identity Making among Poor Black Teens by Carissa Froyum, made me feel deeply empathetic for the children mentioned and interviewed in this work for it seems as if they live in a hermetically sealed institutionalized Middle School with no exit in sight.   

Every bit of information I obtained from this article ended in the notion of self-esteem.  Every practice, behavior, and belief system in place in the Urban Youth Network comes from a place of fear and need for protection of self worth.  “Both boys and girls at UYN police gender conformity as part of constructing affirming, moral sexual identities,” (Froyum, 607).  This quote helps to prove the issue of reaffirmation in a marginalized ethnogeographic group.  People who are made to feel inadequate by the dominant culture in place are going to be conscientious of their status in all realms of life.  For young black teenagers growing up in an under funded, low property taxed, ethnic minority neighborhood, it is tremendously difficult to care about much when it feels like you yourself is not even being cared for. 

The progression of details in this article about kids’ opinions of homosexuality intrigued me to no end.  To start, it is apparent that there is a lack of any sort of sexual education in the Urban Youth Network.  Not that I think we even have a decent Sex Ed program in place, but it is necessary to know that sexual orientation is not contagious.  “’I told them, hanging around the girls, you might pick up some of their stuff, like some of their accents and stuff, what they do’.  Most importantly, they might pick up their sexual attraction toward boys,” (Froyum, 611).  These kids think that homosexuality is something you can catch if you hang out with too many members of the same sex and can “increase one’s risk of going gay and by extension being sexual immoral,” (Froyum, 611). 

Why is that these children can ‘love him for who he is’ toward a friend or family member, but harass anyone else who crosses their path a strange way?  This concept of control of oneself by putting others down is a common theme in social norms.  Many of the students stated in their interviews, though, that they could think about trying things in alternate sexual arenas.  “In understanding sexuality as ‘doing what I want’, the ultimate responsibility and accountability for one’s behavior and sexual desires was shifted to the individual,” (Froyum, 612).  The end of the article begins to touch on this topic of individual sexuality in terms of choices.  The individual has the power to dip his or her toes into a particular identity sphere for just a moment until the individual takes on a fresh path as “one’s ‘true’ nature as heterosexual.  This change supposedly comes via a religious conversion through personal revelation of the wrongfulness of homosexuality…connecting gender nonconformity to homosexuality,” (Froyum, 613-615).  This connection is so profoundly engraved into our social fabric that is hard to penetrate, but teaching impressionable children to hate themselves and others is definitely not a good start.           

"At Least I'm Not Gay" - Ellie Merrell

            At my high school, I noticed that it was really common for black girls to date other black girls. Usually, one of the girls in the relationship would behave extremely masculinely- by sagging her pants, walking with swag, acting tough, and holding her body like a man- and the other would behave very femininely. Sometimes, particularly from afar, it was difficult to determine whether the relationship was heterosexual or homosexual. I talked to one of my female friends who was black and dating another girl and asked her why she thought there were so many more black lesbians than white lesbians. She explained to me that it was really hard to find nice, respectful black men at our school; most were misogynistic thugs who took pleasure in humiliating girls. It seemed that a portion of the black girls had elected not to deal with them anymore, and turned to female replacements. I found some girls’ emulation of masculine behavior to be especially interesting. It seems to correspond with some of what Froyum says. Froyum claims that low-income, marginalized black boys find few means through which to assert power, dominance, and control. It seems to me that low-income, marginalized black girls have even fewer means through which they can feel as though they are in control. I perceived that some girls adopted this persona in order to signal to boys that they were not going to be messed with, dominated, or controlled. Perhaps in the five years since this article was written sexual fluidity and experimentation and gender nonconformity among girls have become more acceptable…? I think an interesting study could be done on how the adoption of masculinity among girls grants them similar status and privileges as those experienced by boys.

            I thought the author’s link between sexuality and gender conformity was intriguing and I wish he (she?) had spend a little more time on this concept. I read an article not too long ago that reported that in the very early twentieth century, two men could have sex together or experience same-sex desires and not be considered homosexuals. A man would be labeled homosexual only if he also exhibited feminine tendencies. So if two men had sex, the one in the dominant, masculine position (on top) would not be labeled as homosexual, whereas the one in the submissive position probably would be considered homosexual. This article and Froyum’s article really speak to how much of homophobia is fueled by equating homosexuality with not doing one’s gender properly.

            Furthermore, I think it’s fascinating how easily the more “legitimate”, “natural”, and “mainstream” lifestyle could be switched. I spoke recently with a student who transferred from Smith (an all-girls college known for having a lot of lesbians) who told me that, while there, a number of lesbians harassed and ostracized her for being straight (side note- I have no idea how truthful this story is…I’ve interacted with this person a grand total of two times). It’s just crazy how the majority gets to decide what is moral and socially acceptable and what is not.

"At Least I'm Not Gay" Response by Melissa Monsalve

     Froyum's article "At Least I'm Not Gay" exposes an aspect of forming sexual identity that I had been mildly exposed to but that I had not given much thought to. Given the circumstances in which most of these teens grow up in, they don't have good examples of how to form their identity while growing up. Because of this, they turn to their sexuality, which is something that everyone, independent of socio-economic standing or racial background can express however one chooses. These kids, through forming their identities with their sexualities, reinforce the heterosexual dominance structure created by society.
     What I kept thinking about throughout this article is the similarities between these poor black teens and the poor Latin youth. Latin teens who grow up in poor conditions are also marginalized for their socio-economic standing and their racial background, providing them with similar experiences to those of the poor black teens in this study. Rarely is there a Latin teen that is homosexual. In terms of Latin culture however, religion definitely plays a larger role because it is so pertinent in Latin culture. However, as I think this article shows, allocating religious view to justify heterosexuality being "right" and homosexuality being "wrong" goes beyond religious belief or culture.
     The act of these teens so strongly proclaiming that they are not gay and confirming it to themselves and others through their performances and verbally is their effort in fighting back a system in which otherwise they are seen as subordinate. They are searching for a sense of self in their sexuality that gives them an upper hand. Being heterosexual is the dominant, normal way of being. Deviating from that would be going back to being marginalized, which is what they already are in terms of their socio-economic and racial backgrounds. What's funny though is that once one of their friends or loved ones comes out, they are put between a rock and a hard place because they think homosexuality is wrong and nasty, but how could they further marginalize those they love? This is reminiscent of most coming out stories I've heard from my friends, whether or not they come from a minority or different socio-eonomic backgrounds. The teens in this article just further show how dominant identities for sexuality, gender, or race established by society effect how teens create their own identities.

Jenn Hyslip Response to 'At Least I'm Not Gay'

The first thing that struck me in Froyum’s article “At Least I’m Not Gay”, is the dynamic of control and masculinity. By analyzing past studies, Froyum points out that men of higher class have the resources to prove their power and status to others. Low-status men on the other hand don’t have legitimate resources and thus are subjected to using “physical capital and essentialist gender ideologies”. As we examined in Tough Guise and Guyland, violence resonates with masculinity. While this may not be anything new, it made me think about how different implementations of power can be. It is rare that you see a white, upper class, business man getting into a violent fight. Rather than being physical it is his physical demeanor that shows control – his business suit, his clean-cut shaven look that shows others he is confident and powerful. But is this always true? There have been innumerable incidents where a politician – who is socially constructed to be polite and straight-edged, who is caught having sexual relations with someone of the same sex. It’s publicized everywhere, and his life is suddenly exposed to the public eye – his wife and kids are victims of his actions. But what else was he supposed to do? He was a public figure, if he came out of the closet, he would have never been successful. It’s sad to think that our society has stigmatized homosexual behavior as so sinful that once you become a leader in society, you have to change your identity. This resonates with Froyum’s findings that boys’ and girls’ sexuality was stigmatized so intensely that they began to alter the way in which they presented themselves to others (p. 619).  

As I read on, I became interested in the stories told by the UYN youth. Some of the kids, both boys and girls, blamed being homosexual on spending too much time with the opposite sex. One girl believed that if she spent too much time with her cousin who was a lesbian, she would want “to try and be homosexual” too. It’s as though they thought that gay was a disease, which seems unfathomable to me. To be honest, this is depressing. Throughout my sociology courses, I have read various progressive articles saying that we have moved on from people believing you can be diagnosed with homosexuality. But, this just contradicts everything completely.

This article leaves me wondering about the bisexual society. It seems that it has become more and more popular for celebrities to come out as bisexual. They are attracted to both males and females. Will a female hide that she identifies as a lesbian by saying she is bisexual or is she truly infatuated by both male and female? Froyum calls on Calhoun’s point that “heterosexism displaces gay boys and lesbian girls from civil society, both public and private, by forcing them into the closet” (p. 619). Society forces such extreme stereotypes and negative consequences of being gay that we discourage people from being comfortable with their identity. So is saying you are bisexual an easy way out? 

John Gallagher 'At Least I'm Not Gay' Response

Carissa Froyum’s examination of the Urban Youth Network (UYN) in Washington D.C. provides an alarming and somewhat disgusting view of how low income, mostly black teenagers (aged 12-17) identify heterosexuality versus homosexuality.  A lot of the article talks about how boys and girls view homosexuals as inferior and dangerous to be around.  Froyum dissects how teenagers react when their identity is in question.  “The Bad Boys” use sexualized swearing, homophobia, and find girlfriends to show their power and dominance over others.  Meanwhile, the poor black girls in this setting sadly oftentimes resort to pregnancy and motherhood as ways of avoiding the homosexual tag.  All of these actions presented by the teenage girls and boys in the article are done to raise themselves to a position of power over others who may not have figured out their sexuality quite yet. 

Froyum was able to have discussions with students to get their take on sexuality.  Students referred to normalcy as when there is a penis and vagina involved.  Keisha went further to mention that you “cannot stick the vagina in a vagina.” (p. 610) Other students turned to religion as the framework for normalcy stating that “God as creator properly ordered the world as a heterosexual one.” (p. 610) Students thought that because the Bible states men should be with women, any other way is wrong and should be ridiculed.  My initial reaction to these students and their narrow-minded view, points in the direction of their families and roots.  The passage states that all of the students knew individuals that was in same-sex relationships or of family members whom had come out.  As I read more of the passage, I realized that my reaction wasn’t too far off.  The general consensus was that if a straight boy or girl was around a gay individual, they should be in fear of sexual harassment.  These ideas come directly from their parents.  Trenton’s story was the most appalling to me.  He quoted his mother by saying, “My Mom said, ‘you never sit by a gay person. Or even touch them. Don’t even look at them. Because when you get involved with gay friends something happens. Harassment.” (p. 617) This is just wrong and what signifies what is so screwed up about our society in regards to homosexuality. 

It wouldn’t be right for me to write in my response to this article that homosexuality didn’t confuse me when I was between the ages of 12 and 17.  I can’t quite put a finger on the day I realized what homosexuality was and what it stood for, but I do remember upon finding out what it was, that I was under the impression that it was a bad thing.  My parents never once referred to it as wrong however, as they have friends (as do I now) that are gay.  But during my years in middle school and high school, being gay, “wasn’t cool.” I think that through the process of maturity and a better understanding of our culture, many people are able to realize that being homosexual isn’t a malicious act, and isn’t something that should be frowned upon.

Lastly I wanted to point out that the antigay phenomenon is still very prevalent in TV and movies today.  Just last night I was watching the HBO show Eastbound and Down in which the lead character uses the words “fag, gay & homo” numerous times. The show is extremely popular to males ages 16-50.  It is about a single man who presents his dominance in society by belittling “homos” and treating women poorly.  The show is very funny, but at the same time sends the wrong message to males across the country making people think it is okay to joke like he does.  Until shows and movies eliminate homosexuality as a bad and lesser concept, I do not think homophobia will be disappearing anytime in the near future. 

Response: "At Least I'm Not Gay" Emily Hunter

Response to Froyum’s “At Least I’m Not Gay” Emily Hunter

            Froyum’s piece on the heterosexual identity of poor black teens draws attention to the fact that black males growing up in poverty have very little to no alternative forms of defining masculinity.  For example, men cannot assert domination over women and other men based on economic or academic success when growing up in poverty, and are therefore left to resort only to the physical body and heterosexuality as forms of power.  Upon reading this article I could not help but make connections with “Guyland” in which the introduction explores men’s greatest fear: being gay.  It is obvious based on both “Guyland” and Froyum’s article that being gay is the ultimate downfall when attempting to assert masculine power.  Clearly sexuality is tied tightly to masculinity, thus explaining why gender is determined largely by sexual orientation.  Even more interesting is the fact that the policing of other peoples’ genders allows a person to show their heterosexuality and show that they themselves are not gay. This tight structure of both acting masculine by resisting feminine (or “gay”) characteristics in addition to policing others for exhibiting such characteristics creates a restrictive situation in which men have no room to explore alternate forms of masculinity and/or alternative forms of sexuality.

            What struck me most about this article was the discussion based on “choosing to be gay”.  A number of students believed that those who engage in homosexual activity openly decide to engage in such lifestyle and “go gay”.  Given I am a biology major, I am a firm believer in the fact that sexual orientation is (at least to a large extent) determined by genetics. For example, I watched an interview with two fraternal twins that grew up in identical environments and shared the same social interactions.  Even with the same nurturing experience, one brother is gay and the other is not.  Is it that one brother chose to be gay while the other chose to be heterosexual?  I do not believe so. Who would choose a lifestyle in which they would be ostracized from society and forced to continually justify their sexual preference?  Instead I feel that genetic differences between the fraternal twins results in the differences in sexual orientation.  The idea of sexual orientation being a genetic trait is backed by the fact that homosexuality is not only seen in the human populations but in many animals with higher cognitive functions such as apes and dolphins.  I would like to know how many others believe sexual orientation is determined genetically.

            Lastly, it surprised me that in these poor black communities, gender policing was not only related to determining masculinity, but was also tightly linked to determining femininity.  While the “dyke” stereotype can still be placed on women in more affluent communities, women do have more room to explore femininity.  For example, the pixie cut has recently come back into style in which many young girls are sporting very short haircuts.  Normally this would indicate a woman was a lesbian given long hair is obviously more feminine, but this stereotype is not necessarily the case.  If a girl were to sport short hair but still dressed in feminine attire or wore makeup her sexuality would not necessarily be questioned.    In poorer areas I feel the sexuality of the woman would immediately be questioned given there are not many ways for these women to define their femininity.

           

Emily Hunter: Response to Dream World 3

        Response by Emily Hunter:    It is a Saturday night around 12 pm on campus and most students are heading to the dance intoxicated and hoping to “bump” into someone they might be interested in going home with.  When you step into the 1962 room, you are no longer at college, but instead have entered into the Dream World.  As the music plays, girls dance provocatively, making eye contact with men inviting them to come dance behind them or at least to watch as they bend seductively and stroke their bodies with their hands.  In this Dream world any man can approach a girl from behind and begin to dance, thrust their hips, and place their hands where they wish.  If the guy is lucky, the girl’s friends will dance around him and his partner, increasing the number of girls that surround him.  He may even be lucky enough to dance with two or three girls at a time.  If, for some reason, a girl doesn’t care to dance with the man, she must forcefully remove herself from his grip and may even need to exit the room in order to make it clear she does not care to be touched.   The dream world not only exists in music videos, but is acted out every weekend on this very campus.

            The dances held every weekend provide a perfect example as to how the dream world seen in music videos incorporates itself into the life of young adults across the United States.  In a dance, women are no longer appreciated for their intelligent comments in class, their determination on the sports field, or for the number of student government positions they hold on campus.  Instead the girls are seen as the “ass” that is grinding against a guy, the breasts that are hanging out of a skin tight top, or the legs that appear thin and long in high heels.  Men enter the dance knowing the girls hope to be looked upon by them and that within the dance they have the right to do what they want with the girls.  Not only do the dances themselves provide a sexual experience for the men, but by acquiring a girl at the dance, a man can almost guarantee he will be enjoying a sexual experience back in his dorm room later that evening, if not on the dance floor itself.  And yet, people may ask, “What is wrong with this?  It appears the women are inviting the men’s action.  Do they not want it?” While some girls embrace this dream world culture, many do not.  I cannot count the number of times I have had to rescue friends who have been handled inappropriately in dances, dragging them away as the guy tries to hold onto the girl.  This challenge between males dominating females and girls trying desperately to escape appears similar to the footage of the Puerto Rican Day Parade in Central Park.  It may appear that the Dream World seen in music videos is only a male fantasy, but I would argue this so called “Dream World” is actually a reality for most men in college and a nightmare for most women.