Sarah Miller's post on "Boys and Men in Families"

The article “Boys and Men in Families” raises some disturbing insights into boys and men and their role in society.  I found that as I was reading the article, the explanations for why men are treated the way they are in society, and the expectations that come along with gender roles, always came back to power.  As Kaufman is quoted in the article as saying “ the world of men, is by definition a world of power.”  He goes on to say that “men’s power is also tainted, reflecting a strange combination of power and privilege, pain and powerlessness.”  I would agree with these statements from the article, that the world of masculinity is defined in terms of power, who has it and who does not.  Take sporting events for example, sports are seen as a masculine endeavour (regardless of whether they are played by women or men) and they are strictly defined by winning and losing.  Often when a big game comes up, the players are asked if they are “man enough” to take on the challenge.  Likewise, to be masculine is to be “king of the castle” implying that the man rules over his house, like a monarch over a kingdom.  Also in the article it states that men are the perpetrators in the vast majority of rape cases, perhaps the most disturbing display of male power, or rather powerlessness.  On page 237 of the article, the explanation the authors give for the great appeal young men see in gangs, who are often the perpetrators of heinous crimes, was that they were “adolescent boys attempts to create ‘family’ with tools honed to incorporate ideals of manhood.”  If gangs are the result of society’s teachings of ideal manhood and the family unit, then society has failed its young men in a catastrophic way. 

            In the article the authors also brought up how different gendered babies are treated differently, despite almost no physical difference.  It perplexed me that as a society we think of baby girls as soft and frilly and baby boys as rough and tumble, when in reality baby boys are slightly more fragile than baby girls (p.234).  When I read this part of the article David Beckham’s comments about his baby daughter sprang to mind: http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2011/07/15/harper-seven-delicate/

 David Beckham goes on to say: “Having a daughter is a whole new thing. Having pink in the house and lilac in the house. And you have to be a lot more delicate with girls than with boys and I’m not used to that so it’s a whole new experience but it’s an amazing experience.”  At the time that I first read that comment it did not make an impact on me, after this article I am a bit disturbed.  I am disturbed mostly that such a prominent figure made these remarks and no one really noticed anything shocking about them.  This instance proves what we discuss in class; the dangerous social phenomena are the ones we do not notice. 

           

            In reading this article, the line that stood out most to me was “the trouble with boys, is that they must become men” (232).  The whole time I was reading I was reminded of a family in my hometown, where the wife, a friend of my mother’s, has colon cancer.  She has two daughters, ages six and four.  My mom told me that when the wife heard she would need another round of chemotherapy her husband told her that this was not his responsibility, packed his things and walked out.  He took her off of his medical insurance, though they are still married, and does not support her or their two daughters in any way, emotionally or financially.  Now some of the families in our community have rallied around her and paid her insurance bills and given her food and winter coats for her girls.  But now this woman is faced with selling her house and moving out of her support system in order to pay for her treatment, or stay and hope for help.  When I was talking to my dad, he made the statement that “things like this happen.”  I was shocked.  And my father’s statement got me thinking, how in today’s society is this woman a subject of pity and her husband is walking away unscathed?  Likewise, at some point in his life, this man who abandoned his family, was once an innocent little boy, who was born with the same capacities for loving and caring as the rest of society.  So where did the change happen to this man, where did he learn that actions like this are somehow socially condonable?