The gender police is an interesting
concept to me in Kimmel's chapter "Bros Before Hoes". My first semester
one of my friends always called me out when I would do something
feminine because of the fact that I identified as a male. It was as
if he would always try to catch me whenever I would do something
feminine. I remember one instance when I was waving to a friend and
he told me that how I waved was feminine and then corrected me on it.
I noticed that I started to want to act more masculine but I couldn't
because in the end all I could be was me which was a femme guy. I
don't think anyone has the right to gender police anyone else. Men in
my experience gender police more than women because they feel they
have this obligation to prove their masculinity and by bringing other
men down and other women they feel that their masculinity has been
proven.
I feel that the “guy code” starts
when a male is young. When a boy cries he is said to be a sissy and
sissy to a male refers to a girl. Boys are taught to be touch and
strong for women and to fight back when they have to fight back.
However this also brings up the notion of boys and men being violent.
The males I have witnessed growing up are all violent in one sense.
They feel that when someone messes with them they have to retaliate
back with violence. I have noticed this in my older brother as well
he is quick to fight back if he has to instead of rather addressing
the issue. My father also used to play fight with him as a young
child and even when he got older. I feel that boys are trained to act
touch and that they learn violence at an early age.
In society it is no surprise that men
have privilege by just being born men. Men are aware of this as well
and they take advantage of this act. In some families only boys are
wanted and the girls are disregarded thus showing the privilege of
having a male also has on the family. I wonder if females were
brought up the same way as males would they also be privileged? Boys
are taught to be independent and to take care of their families. What
if girls were brought up this way? If gender is truly is a
performance than women can do anything a man can do so there is no
reason why one should be privileged over the other.
Gender policing is, unfortunately, very prevalent in our society. I remember in 7th grade, one of my friends told me that I was so tall yet I talked like a little girl. Ever since then, I've tried to condition my voice and inflection to seem more "masculine." As for the violence, I can definitely attest to that in my personal experience. When I was younger, my mom took my Power Rangers VHS's "to the cleaner's" because my brother and I were getting too violent with each other. Also, I remember I would always wrestle my dad, but never my mom. I also went through a violent biting phase, whereas my sister did not. You raise good questions when you ask if girls would have privilege if they were raised like boys. I don't think they would, just because the rest of the society would still treat them as girls and thus they would still be disadvantaged and under-privileged.
ReplyDeleteOops, this was me, Michael Murgo! I forgot to add my name.
DeleteI had an interesting experience with how I was raised in terms of condemning or condoning violent behavior. A couple of times in elementary school, I was sent home with a note from my teacher stating that I had punched one of the boys in my class. My mother would always sit me down and explain to me that violence was never the answer, no matter how slighted I felt. My father would then proceed to pull me out of earshot of my mother, congratulate me for sticking up for myself, and teach me how to punch effectively. So I guess my father, as a boy, had been taught that sometimes fighting was just something that had to be done, whereas my mother was raised to talk out conflicts.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about gender policing, it is literally everywhere, and I'm sad to say that I am even guilty of it - for both men and women. To a male friend I'm close with, I have commented in the past how he looks girly with say, a scarf on. To a female friend, if she is wearing baggy sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt, I might tell her she looks like a dude. It's amazing how ingrained it is in not only the American society, but also Connecticut College's society. Thinking about the question you posed - can girls be brought up to be independent and take care of their families, I believe it lies in the parenting and make up of the family. Personally,for me, I grew up as an only child with divorced parents. I spent most of my time with my mom and every other weekend with my dad. I can say that growing up like this is extremely unique. I was taught to be outspoken and stick up for my beliefs when necessary. It's crazy to think that maybe this could be different if my parent's weren't divorced, or if I lived with just my dad, or lived with my step brothers and sisters. I could easily be an entirely different person.
ReplyDeleteJenn Hyslip (sorry!!)
DeleteJea, I am so glad you mentioned about what if females were raised like male children. Personally, because I can't speak for anyone else, I have grown up in a home where my dad was the "sissy" and my mother was the tough one. I didn't see this till I was older. Growing up in a home of domestic violence, there was a lot of just that: violence. But I came to understand that it was in fact my father who was the weak one of the two because he cowardly only found a way of expressing himself through violence. Anyone can feel powerful with their hands around the other person's throat. I have no intention of making my mother seem like a victim, since she grew up in violence herself and knew how to fight back, but she was the one who had the courage to leave. She taught me to be independent, how to throw a right hook, how to cook, and how to balance my own check book.
ReplyDeleteI think that, in terms of gendering, it is a subjective matter. Race, culture, and past experience of the parents have so much to do with it. I may still identify with the feminine gender, but there is so much about my upbringing that has cause me to grow to be someone who also takes what is considered to be stereotypically male characteristics in certain aspects of my life. Women can do what men do, so men should be allowed to do what women do without scorn. We're all human when it comes down to it. Everything else is just a game, a show, extras that we carry around like luggage.
Melissa Monsalve