Blair West's Response

Michael Kimmel’s article “Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code” was a fascinating insight into the tumultuous culture of boys and the development of manhood. As a female, I will admit that girls are often bombarded with the biased standard that femininity and female stereotypes are difficult to contend with while growing up, and girls essentially have a more challenging and turbulent period of adolescence. However, both Kimmel’s article and Boys and Men in Families demonstrated that, as Kaufman states, boys are forced to resist a stereotype of “power and privilege, pain and powerlessness.”

I was surprised by the beginning of Kimmel’s article when he outlines the rules of manhood: “Don’t cry… never show your feelings, never ask for directions, never give up, never give in.” All these are strictly negative commands, describing specifically what not to do. It becomes clear that the male gender is dominated by don’ts; there are countless behaviors and choices that are taboo and simply unacceptable. It often seems masculinity is a club or fraternity that is incredible easy from which to be expelled.

I participated in a foreign exchange during high school. At a large American city school, many of the French boys were ridiculed for their less-than stereotypical behavior, mannerisms, and outfit choices, which were, by American standards, ‘feminine.’ Boys ordered from the vegetarian menu, drank white wine, wore lightly colored scarves and tight pants. When the gender norms of American and French societies collided, it was fascinating to see the confusion that was elicited. During a cross-cultural activity in which we translated idiomatic phrases from English to French, an eighteen-year-old French boy asked me to explain the meaning of the American phrase ‘be a man,’ He told me he misunderstood; “why would you tell a man to be a man?” He asked, “A man cannot change that, he will always be a man,” I told him that the phrase actually meant ‘be more manly,’ And I was struck by my own words. I, and every American teenager, had a distinct view of what ‘manly’ meant. I told him that the word describes a boy who ate a lot of meat, for instance, and who was strong and brave. However, I had such trouble describing the meaning of manhood for, as Kimmel’s article states, our society promotes manly behavior as the absence of feminine behavior.

A quote I found most interesting in Boys and Men in Families which relates to Kimmel’s article described how “men came to see home as more than their castle.”

The sentiment that men lead and dominate reminded me of a pair of baby onesies I once saw. I volunteered at a hospital in high school and one day I was stocking gift shop inventory and came across a pair of onsies, one for a boy and one for a girl. The girls’ said ‘born to be cute,’ and the boys’ said ‘born to rule.’ I was surprised by these sayings even as a fifteen-year-old. But now I understand their cultural and society weight.