Meg DeJong - "Bros Before Hos": The Guy Code Response

When I set out to reading Michael Kimmel’s “Guyland”, I didn’t think I would be able to relate to the experiences of masculinity that Kimmel discussed. After all, I’m not a guy, so how much of my life could really be wrapped up in this thing called “Guyland”? As it turns out, a lot. One thing that resonated with me was Kimmel’s discussion of how through silence, we all support the practices of “Guyland”. Ultimately, our silence translates into complicity and allows these practices to continue. Reflecting on this idea, I could think back to many times that I was silent when I witnessed practices of “Guyland” that I thought were wrong. 

In particular, one event stood out in my mind: In high school, all the students had co-ed gym classes every semester. For most semesters, I had a gym teacher who held very traditional ideals of masculinity, which often became apparent when we were playing games. I remember playing baseball and watching as he applauded the girls who went up to bat. Most of the girls would swing aimlessly at the ball, clearly showing no interest in the game. Instead of getting angry, he would praise them by saying things like “Good try!”  or “Nice swing!”. However, it was a completely different story when a boy went up to bat. If a boy were to swing and miss, or even hit and then get out before getting to first base, the coach would go ballistic, berating the boy and screaming things like “What were you doing?!”. I remember feeling lucky that I wasn’t on the receiving end of the coach’s rage; however, I also knew that it was wrong for him to treat the boys so differently from the girls. Even though I knew it was unfair, for both the boys and the girls, I never said anything. I figured that the boys were used to this kind of treatment and that it didn’t bother them in the same way that it would have bothered me.

Another thing that struck me about Kimmel’s “Guyland” was how early boys start to have traditional ideas of masculinity engrained into their everyday lives. Additionally, my attention was caught by how often boys use homophobic slurs to insult each other. I think everybody has heard someone use the phrase “That’s so gay” as an insult countless times. I often remember the first time I learned what the word “gay” meant. I was ten and in fourth grade. My teacher had called a special meeting in our class. The entire meeting was to talk about how it wasn’t okay to call other people “gay” as an insult. At the ages of nine and ten, boys in my grade were already throwing around the term “gay” as a slur to emasculate other boys. I often think back on this event and realize how telling it is of our society as a whole that the first time I learned what the word “gay” means was when boys were using in a derogatory manner.

In class, we’ve talked about how masculinity is basically defined by everything that is not feminine. In “Guyland”, Kimmel discussed the terms boys use to insult each other. I was struck my how many of these terms were associated with the feminine. For example, some of the insults were “pussy, girl, skirt, Mama’s boy, and pussy-whipped.” It seems that boys do everything they can to disassociate themselves with anything that can be perceived as feminine. I feel that the role prescribed for men in our society is much narrower than the role for women. For example, blue has become a gender neutral color and a woman could easily wear blue without anyone so much as blinking an eye. However, if a man were to wear pink, he would definitely turn some heads. Furthermore, a girl who chooses to play sports like basketball or soccer instead of doing ballet or gymnastics would likely never be ostracized. On the other hand, if a boy chose to do ballet or gymnastics instead of a traditionally masculine sport, he would likely be ridiculed and called “gay”. Overall, it seems that women and girls in our society are encouraged to be more androgynous than men and boys. Do you think there will ever be a point in our society when boys and men face less restricting gender norms?