How did sexual desire become such an inherently masculine quality to humans? Why is it that men are expected to be the dominant force behind all sexual interaction and that they are expected to possess both gentleman-like and violent qualities? In the article “Gentlemen of Beast? The Double Bind of Masculinity”, Susan Bordo uncovers why males are sent mixed messages about their sexuality, and how it came to be this way. Bordo references, sarcastically, that women are the oppressed party in this situation, and that they are supposed to be like “ovens” who need the “blow-torch” of a man to heat them up; throughout the article, she mentions quite a few of the sexual injustices women experience in society today.
Women have just as much right to pursue as to be pursued, yet “woman’s pursuit is death to male desire”. Men love a good hunt, but women are not allowed the same pleasure without disappointment. According to Bordo, women should be “passive” in order to impress guys, they should not be out on the hunt with them, otherwise men cannot successfully move in on prey. Women must never seem as if they are interested in sex or love, “but only carefully considering what a man has to offer.” Why is it that women aren’t allotted the same privileges as men in the dating world? Apparently, it is more fun for men to do the work in order to woo their mate. Men need to be dominant in their pursuit, otherwise they are off put by a strong woman who acts like a man in this respect. I find this point to be very interesting, as one of my best friends has been in hot pursuit of a guy, yet he seems to be scared and intimidated by her aggressiveness. I don’t see why women can’t go after what they want, especially if they already know who or what they are interested in. Sure, men can export their “resume” of qualities, but so can women. Today’s society is ever increasingly encouraging of equal rights for women, and it is interesting to see that the men are still the so-called “hunters” and women are the passive ones in the dating scene; clearly, society is not as equal as we like to think.
Women love gentleman, but they also want someone who is fierce and bold; the epitome of “passionate manhood”. This double-bind catches many boys and leaves them with many mixed messages about how to outwardly express their masculinity. The double bind is truly a pressure chamber for men; it is hard to balance both and still present a respectable image to society. Praise is given to aggressive football players and boxers, and those men and boys know masculinity only in the aggressive sense, which is why the Glen Ridge rape story serves as a reminder to the testament of the “boys will be boys” mentality that is detrimental to all other parties. Parents and teachers were shocked, girls were hurt, yet the boys got away with it just because people saw them as aggressive athletes and that is just something that they do. Bordo says it succinctly: “Men are sex-crazed jerks, and you’re just going to have to live with it!” But where is the gentleman-like aspect of a man that everyone loves? Apparently this concept is foreign and lost to many men.
Michael Murgo
ReplyDelete"According to Bordo, women should be 'passive' in order to impress guys, they should not be out on the hunt with them, otherwise men cannot successfully move in on prey."
I found this quote to be representative of our debate last class. I argued that women understand the "hook up script" and willingly play into it, which gives them more control over the situation than most people think they have, and this statement seems to agree with my assessment. Since Bordo says women should be passive in order to score a man, I started thinking about a potential woman's thought process at a party. "Okay, I really want to fool around with him, but I need to make him think that he's pursuing me or else we're not going to hookup, so I'm going to pretend to be passive right now." It's funny, isn't it? I get this image of a woman who is perfectly capable of making her owns moves playing the damsel in distress just to give the guy an ego boost and an opportunity to make him think that he's assertive and dominant. He thinks he's in charge, but he's really just playing into her hands. Women may be the "prey" in the dating/mating game, but in these situations, they know what they're doing and actually want to get caught.
Molly Bienstock
DeleteMike you got it, man. Kimmel even exemplifies your point in Guyland when he references planned spontaneity and the lack of expectations surrounding a 'random' hookup. He points out in his interviews that many women stated they faked their orgasms for men to "feel good for working so hard" or really "just wanted it to stop." In this example, women have all the power and make men unbearably worrisome of their performance, physical stature, or ability to make the woman come. I think you're right about the inequity of the stigma around the hookup culture. Women really do have a say, it is just that there is a tremendous amount of pressure programmed into the male's idea of a good night that hinders both sides of the hookup experience.
I'd like to point out, though, that women don't have quite as much power as we argued that they have in class the other day. Yes, she ultimately decides whether or not she plays the game, but if she decides not to play the game, to act in a way that doesn't fit with men's expectations of her behavior, she is going home alone.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I think that men are also confined by "the hook-up script". I have a significant amount of very shy guy friends for whom it is uncomfortable to be the one to approach a potential partner, particularly if they, like Mitchell in Bordo's article, are respectful of women and don't want to make them feel threatened or violated.
Michael Murgo
DeleteThat's true, Ellie. I was just arguing one facet of the debate. We know of evidence from the hooking up reading that women have the short end of the stick; I was merely highlighting an area where it seems like they have an advantage.
Michael, I think your point here was really revealing of why our current sexual scripts are so dysfunctional. The idea that submissive or passive behavior from a women is merely an act deployed to get a man's attention - that her acting like she doesn't want it is actually a signal that she wants it - how as you put it, she gets the "advantage" - is really a trap for both men and women. When passive behavior becomes construed as an active invitation, when a women who is doing nothing is really trying to get caught, it is very easy to understand how this sexual script leads to rape.
Delete- Brooke Dinsmore
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ReplyDeleteJohn Gallagher
ReplyDeleteI think Dakota does a nice job summing up the article and raising good points about it. "Men love a good hunt, but women are not allowed the same pleasure without disappointment." This ties in nicely to when Bordo mentions how men seek quantity and women seek quality. I think this true and interesting to think about.
I definitely have to agree with Dakota's argument about women having the right to pursue. The thrill of the chase is attractive to (most) people, be they men or women. In terms of this part of the paper, I find it funny that a "women's pursuit is death to a male's desire" because I know of a lot of guys who, whatever reason it may be, love girls who go after them.
ReplyDeleteLike we've discussed in class, it's a game, a complicated one at that, and who's to say that they prey can't become the predator or vice versa? Once the person being played learns the rules, they 'll play along too if they've CHOSEN to do so.
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ReplyDeleteI agree Dakota did a good job summarizing and questioning Bordo's points but I also think that Bordo isn't in any way condoning the sexual script or "game" she is describing. I think she is engaging with it critically and revealing the inequality inherent in it, ultimately arguing for changing it. Melissa says that its a complicated game and that predator can become pray but I would propose that the real question here is why does this game have predator and prey at all? And how is it harmful that it does?
ReplyDelete-Brooke Dinsmore